"You're the mistake I'm willing to make"

Mister Blonde kissed me.

It happened sort of by mistake, I guess.
Though, can you kiss someone by mistake? He didn't run into my lips face-first.

I had just spent the last three days (and nights) with him. We were at his place, getting ready for bed. I was already under the covers, wearing nothing but an over-sized t-shirt that I got from him the previous night. He crawled into bed with me, took me in his arms and caressed my thighs. He said that he really loves a girl who squats. He put his hand behind my neck and pulled my face close to his, our noses almost touching. His warm breath was on my face. I just couldn't pull away from him... So when he kissed me, I kissed him back. Four minutes later I was on top of him, he was undressing me and I stopped. Not because I wanted to, but because he looked weird. His face almost shouted out the fact that we were doing something wrong. And he was right.

I lay down beside him. My head had just done a 180 - wasn't I supposed to be in love with Mister Fire? If so, what the hell was I doing? We had to discuss this and I knew it. I took the initiative and asked him what in the world just happened. I had totally friend-zoned him and he influenced me like that, although he of all people shouldn't have.

He told me he was into me. No surprises there. He told me that he had tried being friends with me, but apparently I'm such a flirty persona that it's simply impossible. He had wanted to kiss me for three days. He told me I was driving him crazy: the smell of my hair on his pillow, my skin, my laugh, my body... I guess that's a plausible explanation. We decided that we weren't going to have sex before we knew what was going to happen. Mister Blonde is truly not a fan of a sexual relationship, he wants me to be something more or nothing at all. That's a tough one.

He asked me to stop telling him about all the guys I'm seeing at the moment. Including Mister Fire. He hopes I'm not seeing Mister Fire anymore. Weeeeeeell.. I'm meeting him tomorrow, he'll be staying with me for three days. Whoopsie.
He doesn't want to know about my blog anymore. He wants to be close to me. Apparently he wishes that we'll be involved in some sort of serious relationship, although he wasn't sure if he wanted that. I told him I was very happy being single. There are days when I dislike being a single girl but they come very seldom nowadays.

He wants to be my boyfriend.

Now I'm freaking out.

... And I'm still in love with Mister Fire.

An open letter to Mister Blonde

Dear Mister Blonde,

You confuse me.

I thought we were supposed to be friends. I opened my heart to you and told you about my relationship with Mister Fire. I was all broken up about him being a poly. You said that it was okay, I'd find someone who'd do anything to marry me. I cried, you lent me your shoulder. You stroke my hair and made me feel loved. You asked me what I really wanted from life and I told you. 

I thought I could trust you. I told you my biggest secrets and you listened to me.

I had the best time with you yesterday. I really enjoyed your cooking, your funny stories, watching a movie together and talking with you. I am a bit tired though, since you kept me up chatting until 2 a.m. But it was totally worth it.

What you said on Monday wasn't that strange, even though I reacted a bit strangely. You told me that I shouldn't go looking that far for the perfect boyfriend - maybe he's somewhere closer than I believe. I made a somewhat funny joke about my guys being hockey players, firefighters and all kinds of lawyers and doctors, but there's always something wrong with them. You laughed at me when I said that hockey players are seldom smart, and smart guys are seldom athletic. You made me realize that you are the whole package and that you're fun to be around. I think you're a bit weird occasionally, but in a good way. You make me smile and I like it.

Now, what happened yesterday was ok. I had fun talking to you, although you asked me about Mister Fire on several occasions. You seemed sort of worried about me, you asked me if my heart was broken because of the guy. It was kind of sweet, thanks for caring. Why did we discuss weddings and relationships that much yesterday? You told me that you could easily picture me walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress. Why would you do that?

Day dreaming about our trip to Vietnam was really nice too. I told you about my traveling dreams and you were mentally boarding the plane with me - although you didn't like my idea of riding a bike on the great wall of China. You said you'd take pictures of me biking around, wind in my hair, laughing... I'd like that.

I got a bit scared when you said that you haven't been able to talk to a girl the way you talk to me. I know you appreciate me and my wits, although you never say it aloud.

I get the fact that you wanted to sleep really close to me, but you could have gotten me a blanket of my own. You told me that you lent the spare blanket to your roommate and would get it back "someday". I thought it was okay, you and me are really close anyway. You've seen me naked loads of times, I'm sure you can handle me in my My Little Pony pj's under the covers. 

The way you had your arms around me in the morning made me want to hit snooze. And I did, for 45 minutes. I really loved the way you stroke my hair during the night. I was awake although I pretended to sleep. I fell asleep in your arms easily because I felt safe there. 

Thing is, I love being close to you. I find it amusing that you like me a lot, that you're flirty and tease me about my stupid manners. You're not the perfect gentleman... In fact, I can't recall that you've ever commented on my appearance. When I got a facial, you just said "your aesthetitian did a good job!". Gee, thanks? :D

But still, there's something missing. I know you want to spend time with me and I like it - as I said, I love spending time with you. 

But you know what? I'm in love with Mister Fire and I can't change that.

I hope you can forgive me and still be my friend.

"I'm not in love"

Fuck butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I'm with him.

I was talking with a cute little friend of mine today. I heard myself say "I'm not in love". Who am I kidding? It felt almost like a lie.

I feel like I've been hit in the head with an anvil. 

My weekend was absolutely beautiful. I had a lovely night at home with my Mister Blonde. I'm slowly beginning to realize that we're just friends, although he kids around about us having sex last March. I cooked for him, we drank wine and watched a movie. He stayed over, slept in my bed. His body touched mine from shoulders to toes but I felt nothing. I didn't have any feelings for him whatsoever. I sincerely hope he feels the same way about me so that we can be friends in the future. I'd really love to travel with him. Imagine this: Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Imagine him on a motorcycle, me riding in the back holding onto him. Fingers crossed.
Worst-case scenario is that he's into me and the whole trip will be ruined. I'll delete him from my Facebook friends list (again) and we'll never talk again. 

Let's not do that.

I gave Mister Blonde a ride home on Saturday morning. I had made plans with Mister Fire (mmmmmhmhmmhm yummy! [insert sigh sounds here]). I was supposed to meet him at his place and go for a little acro yoga session in the park, just the two of us, and a steamy shower afterwards. It was raining cats and dogs, so no trips to the park. In stead of working out he played me some of his music. I was speechless, I felt like an idiot. All I could say was "yeah, I like this. I would listen to this. You're talented" and smile and look at him. His blue-green eyes are mesmerizing, they're just so addictive.. And so is his music. I feel proud of him for some silly reason.

As soon as he stopped playing, I undressed him. His button-down shirt felt like a obstacle course, it took me ages to get it off him. But when I did, it was absolutely worth the 10-second wait. As I've said earlier, sex with him is freaking awesome. Hands down, best I've ever had. The thing is, he keeps looking straight into my eyes with those blue-green eyes of his, never looking away. He keeps smiling, he even laughs sweetly every now and then, he tells me how much he's into me and how pretty I look on top of him. He knows how to move that amazing body of his. Now, after a few more "runs" he knows exactly what I'm into, he can read my expressions perfectly and does his magic. Click, click, boom! - my brains on the wall.

Four words I can't get enough of:

"Gimme more." 

"You're amazing."

So... During the last 23 hours we had sex seven times. He even woke me up in the middle of the night. Best. Sex. Ever. I've never felt such passion with anyone. Just feeling his breath on my neck made me crazy about him. His broad shoulders, muscular arms and back, the way he looks at me when he's happy... Ecstatic. Afterwards I asked him what the hell just happened. He laughed, kissed me and said "you just had the best sex dream ever." He took me in his arms, kissed my hair. I fell asleep instantly. 

In some way I feel like he's seen straight into my soul.

I'm not shy anymore.

You'd think our relationship is merely physical. Well, it's not. Though, today he was experiencing serious self control issues when I was driving and he wanted to touch me, but not kill the both of us. I pulled the car over and kissed him, almost undressed him if not for that freaking button-down shirt of his... Until he stopped me and said that we had to hurry, I was late for a meeting with my friend. Damn friends.

Wait, what was I saying? Yeah, he and I talk a lot. About everything. We share our secrets and our dreams, we can easily spend several hours on the phone on a regular Thursday evening. 

He told me yesterday, during sex, that being with me feels like being weightless, the feeling you have in your stomach when riding a roller coaster. I'm the bump that makes his body take flight.

He just sent me a text saying "Gimme more. :-*"

How can I ever be with anyone else?

Love,
Kitty
a.k.a. Bump-Bunny
a.k.a. Hump-Honey

P.S. The pictures for our wedding invitations will be shot this fall. Just kidding, he's arranging a photo shoot with the two of us. I have a slight idea of what he's planning. Something acrobatic and extremely sexy. My hypermobile hips and his muscular body go quite well together. ;)

Confusion, part II.

There are days when I dislike my little life.

Tuesday wasn't one of them. I met Mister Blonde. 

Mister Blonde has been teasing me all week. I have absolutely no clue what to think of the whole business. He sends me several texts every day, asking me how I'm doing, what my plans for the evening are, etc. 

Getting together yesterday was his idea. He wanted to do something with me, yet he never suggested any specific activities.

So... I picked him up after work. We cooked thai food (yummy!) and spent the night together at my place. We played silly little games and talked for seven hours. He didn't touch me. Not once.

We agreed earlier that he could stay over, because it would take him half an hour to get home. He doesn't have a car, you see. I told him that he could sleep in my spare room, now that I got a bed there.

I got really sleepy around 11 p.m. I brushed my teeth and mumbled something like "do you want to sleep next to me?" and he said yes. We went to my bedroom, chatting about our future (well, not our future - I mean, our separate futures), dreams and trips.. He got undressed, I couldn't look away. His whole upper body had this beautiful tan that looked amazing in my bedroom. I got undressed, he never took his eyes away from me and my body. He smiled a bit.

I dived under the covers, he followed me. He came really close. His face was just a few inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my cheek. He looked at me just the way he used to... It freaked me out, so I turned off the lights. We kept talking for two more hours.

His hand brushed mine, but I drew my hand away. He didn't touch me again. He didn't even try to kiss me. I fell asleep without saying "good night".

We woke up at 5 a.m. He was already wide awake, he wouldn't stop smiling at me when I opened my eyes.

Fuck. Did I talk in my sleep again?

He said that he was just genuinely happy to wake up next to me.

No comebacks.

Freaking out. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him? 

Is he going to be my friend, or does he want something entirely different? Why is he showing so much interest in what I do every day, but he didn't even try to touch me? Why has he sent me four texts in the last ten minutes, although I haven't had the time to answer the first one? Why is he interested in knowing what kinds of guys I date at the moment? Why is he interested in my brother and what sorts of men he would "approve" to be my boyfriend?

But most of all. Why didn't he touch me?!?

I'm used to guys being really physical around me. I'm used to being touched. Now that I'm not being touched by one my mind is doing cartwheels. 

Oh yeah, I never showed you what he looks like. 

This is quite close, but imagine him with lighter hair and broader shoulders.

Now we're planning a trip together for Christmas. I'm thinking Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Yeah, I could live with that.

But I still have no idea if I'm planning a trip to Vietnam with a friend or a potential boyfriend.
Freaking out.

Best thing you never had

Remember Mister Blonde?
He was my favourite hockey player. Hands down, the best ass I've ever seen. We stopped seeing each other because Mister Blonde hadn't gotten over his semi-girlfriend. I deleted him from my Tinder contacts, unfriended him on Facebook and didn't text him back. I stopped reading his blog and to be honest, I forgot about him altogether.

If I didn't have Mister Yellow, I know I would have been really heartbroken about not seeing Mister Blonde anymore. I guess I just had the perfect distraction.

Four months of radio silence.
Until last Thursday, that is.

Mister Blonde texted me, asked me how I've been, how I've spent my summer and yada yada. I gawked at my phone. Why did he message me? It was he who wanted to stop seeing me, I just had to go along with it. I asked him why he texted me. He didn't give me a reason, he just told me that he liked talking with me and missed my silly anecdotes. He's doing really well in his life. He just started his own company and it's going just like he planned. I'm really happy to hear that.

Thing is, I'm not sure what to think of the whole thing. I told Mister Blonde that I don't want to be friends with him - I don't have sex with my friends (or become friends with people I've had sex with, thank you very much). He said that he didn't have an ulterior motive, he just wanted to talk with me and see how it feels. He hasn't suggested that we meet. I guess he just wants someone to talk to.

Today he asked me if I consider him short. He's 6ft1in (182 cm) tall, which is almost okay. I really like much taller guys, just like the ones I'm seeing at the moment (updates coming up!). But yeah, I told him that all the guys that I date are taller than 6ft2in (185cm), although being tall is nothing compared to being smart and funny. I have to admit, Mister Blonde is one of the sexiest guys I've ever dated. He's funny, he's exceptionally smart and he's good-looking. I loved the way he used to touch me, tease me, until I begged for him to get undressed.

He told me I'm the one that got away. He remembers every conversation we had. He's genuinely interested in me, my work and my life. Feels really weird.

Now I'm thinking about him....

Mister Blonde, my favourite hockey player

This is a story about me and Mister Blonde.

Mister Blonde is a hockey player with a terrific ass. He's hot in every other way as well, but I just can't get over his glutes in tight jeans. Serious eye candy.
By the way, that's just what I told my girlfriends. "He's the guy with the terrific ass" - haha.

He has a great sense of humour and his beard tickles my face when he kisses me. He's smart and not afraid to show it. We even love the same books, we have the same favourite authors. Before our first kiss he asked me if I consider myself smart. I answered yes, of course, and he kissed me. I wonder what he would have done if I said no, haha.

Mister Blonde was a sort of challenge. He told me that he wasn't able to fall for anyone. Mister Blonde hadn't developed a crush in anyone in several years. No girlfriend in three years.
Challenge accepted. 
Four days later, we're lounging in his bed, he tells me that he wants to be with me. We planned a trip abroad together.

He was sort of a sweetheart. We dated for three or four weeks. I didn't exactly take notes. ;)
Somewhere along the road his roommate told me that he'd just "broken up" with someone... I wasn't quite sure how that was possible, since my Mister Blonde told me on several different occasions that he had no girlfriend, not for three or so years. Turns out he had a somewhat of an on-off-relationship with a friend, who suddenly found a boyfriend and dumped my sweetie Mister Blonde. That's when he joined Tinder and we met. He said that he wasn't ready for anything serious, which was more than OK, and he convinced me that he wanted to keep seeing me.

I took several steps back: I wouldn't send him texts; it took me a few days to add him as a friend on Facebook (he kept reminding me, whoopsie); I never began any conversations with him. I let him do all the work. A sunny Tuesday in March, he told me that we should definitely meet on Thursday. I never really understood all his girlfriend and break-up talk, until I suddenly realized that I was breaking up with him. It was apparent that he wasn't over that weird thing he refused to call a relationship.

I left him there, looking hot while lounging on his bed, put on my headphones and walked to my car. I texted Mister Yellow, told him that I had a really bad day because I just broke up with Mister Blonde, and was in dire need of a hug. He told me to come over. Fifteen minutes later he answered the door wearing nothing but boxer shorts and Ray-Bans. I couldn't stop laughing.

Sometimes things turn out OK in the end, just like that Thursday. I got my hug and Mister Yellow looked happy. Sometimes I feel like that's all I need. People looking happy.