Status update

The freak out I had in my last post went on for 24 hours. I was feeling hurt, jealous and unsafe because one of Mister Fire's sweeties was having a crisis. I didn't want to know the details. After all, I thought she was having the same kind of mental breakdown as I did a few months ago. I had a personal crisis when I woke up and found myself utterly in love with him, even though I tried to resist it. The fact that he is polyamorous broke my heart. Most importantly, I consider myself monogamous and would be hurt if I found out that he loves someone like he loves me.

I'll start by saying that I had the most wonderful weekend with Mister Fire. I'm so in love with him that it almost hurts. Friday night he came with me to a party, where he met my parents and my closest friends. He had met a few of my friends, my cousins and my brother already. They've all shown me "thumbs up". The night went quite well. He liked my friends and bonded with my father. My father loves Mister Fire. Daddy called me yesterday. Daddy asked me how long I've been seeing him - for a second there I thought Daddy disliked Mister Fire. Turns out that wasn't the thing at all. Daddy thought Mister Fire was calm and charming. Ah, I know that he's wonderful. That's why I love him.

My love is across the Atlantic Ocean. He left on Sunday morning and will be back in 8 days. He was sitting at the airport, waiting for his flight to leave, when I got this text from him. "I stayed up really late yesterday. I kept thinking about us, my mind was going crazy when I thought about our future. I packed my toothbrush. As I did it, I threw away a few extra brushes from my bathroom... All of them. I want to see no more than two brushes in that cupboard. Yours and mine. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He's going mono. Just for me. He said that going mono wasn't even a tough decision. He felt very strongly about being polyamorous before. Now he just wants to be with me. He thinks I'm special, like I'm his dream come true. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Remember the post when I said I knew exactly how our wedding invitations would look? Now the image is clearer than before. Phew.

I have a boyfriend.

It killed me that he said that as he was leaving. He's been gone for two days and will be away for an additional eight days - how can I go on? We agreed that the next time he's away for that long, I'll go with him. Ten days in Thailand or Miami wouldn't hurt.

The crisis his sweetie was having was because he was leaving her. He wanted to do it smoothly, without hurting her much. Mister Fire is my dream come true, the most perfect guy that I know. I can't believe that I was feeling so insecure that I would want to leave him. I never ever want to leave him.

That's what love feels like.

P.S. I threw out all the extra toothbrushes from my bathroom as well. There were loads, but I don't miss them one bit. Now there's just two. I really like the thought. I'm ecstatic.

Meeting Mister Navy

I found myself a true bad boy. He's 34. He is extremely handsome: 6ft5in (192 cm) tall, he has dark hair and ofc a beard (I don't do guys without beards anymore), he's a semi-pro athlete and has tattoos all over his body. I met him on Tinder.

I met him on Wednesday. I had just finished a super sweaty workout at a gym a few blocks away from his home. For some reason I managed to forget to bring a change of clothes with me, so I went on a first date wearing leopard print running tights, a sweaty tank top and sneakers. No make up, my hair was on a braid and I didn't even shower before seeing him. Guess what? He absolutely loved me.

Our first date was really nice. He took me to a Thai restaurant. We sat there for two hours. There was something about him that almost annoyed me, I guess it was the way he talked. I almost felt like he had to impress me - oh, have I seen that quality before.. Major turn-off.

Well, as soon as we left the restaurant something changed. He asked me a private question and I answered him as truthfully as I could. I guess he liked the answer, because 45 minutes later we were leaning against a wall, kissing, he was pulling my hair and whispering in my ear. I left him standing there, saying that I wouldn't have sex with him tonight, but surely some day soon. It took him 12 hours to ask me out again and I said yes.

The thing about him that turns me on is that he's really powerful. He's taller than I am and has really powerful hands. I noticed that, because he grabbed my wrists and told me he'd tie me down any time. He shared his fantasies with me, told me in detail what he'd do to me if I came home with him right now and enjoyed the look on my face when I was turned on by him. I could easily use him as a fuck buddy, but I wouldn't date him. I actually told him that, and he said it was ok. "I'm not looking for a girl to play home with. I'm looking for a personal nympho." Fine by me!

Ladies, you should see this one. He just sent me a picture of himself after working out, his perfect body all sweaty - just the way I like it. Yummy.

Awesome first dates

#1

My first date with Mister Fire was perfect. I met him on Tinder, we had been chatting for almost two months before actually meeting. Why did it take so long? That's entirely my fault. He was so intensive, we talked a lot all the time. We made a few long phone calls and I noticed that he's way too dreamy for me. His perfect messages and stories freaked me out, so I made up all sorts of excuses not to meet him. In the end he sort of coached me into going out with him. He told me that he'd never met anyone like me and he won't let me go without at least seeing me first. There was a chance that it wouldn't work out, you know? We're both extremely picky. He said that a big part of his "falling for someone" is in her facial expressions, the way she smells, the way she moves and is around him. I just knew he would sweep me off my feet and I hated it. I felt unsure of myself and my body. I've never been on a date with anyone quite like that and I felt overwhelmed.

We met at the central railway station. He had his guitar with him. He looked really nice in his shorts and button-down shirt. I had packed my bag with picnic stuff, I brought a blanket and all sorts of delicious food. We walked to a huge park just south of the city center. It took us almost an hour to get there, because we stopped to talk a few times. And we got lost a few times as well, haha. But yeah, our first date was during the heat wave. We were both a bit sweaty when we found the perfect spot for our little picnic. As soon as we sat down he took off his shirt and I just sat there staring at him. I almost disliked him for that. What a show-off, that's not working on me, I thought. After a few minutes I forgot the fact that he was shirtless and could relax.

We laid there on the grass eating and drinking all kinds of delicious things. I was sunbathing in my skin-tight jeans and almost see-through top. He told me that he was really tired. He had worked a lot that week and he had been to a friend's birthday party the night before. I knew he would be tired, so I planned ahead. I brought a book. I laid there reading while he took a nap. 

What a weird first date, you say? I think it was just perfect. We were both so relaxed in each other's company that we could doze off and it was perfectly fine. He slept for ten minutes and when he woke up, he looked right into my eyes and kissed me. It felt like he'd been in my life forever, like he had kissed me a thousand times before. Very passionate.

Sparks were flying, fireworks, yada yada. I guess it was just a few steps from actually having sex in the park. Thank goodness there were people having picnics around us, so clothes stayed on. 

I was supposed to spend the night with my brother, so I had to leave. Our tram ride to the city was crazy. He leaned on me, had his hands on my back and butt and pulled me close to him. We said our goodbyes by the bus station. His kisses burned me, I couldn't get over the fact that he was there, acting like I'm the only girl in the world.

He didn't play his guitar. He said he was supposed to play me a ballad and charm me with his music but he couldn't keep his hands off me for the length of a song. No complaints here. I was actually a bit afraid that I'd hate his music, I was happy to experience the possible hatred a bit later. :D

Afterwards he said that our date was by far the best first date he'd been on. I fed him strawberries in the park. We totally hit it off. Our date felt at least four days too short. I just had to see him again. Soon.

And I did.

"Kiss me like you want to be loved."

#2

My almost-boyfriend makes my top three list easily. Maybe that is because our date wasn't meant to be a date.
He was my climbing instructor. I knew him through a friend and booked an hour with him in June. I had this awful fear of heights that I wanted to get rid of. After 45 minutes of climbing with him I knew he was different, we sort of clicked. I had to trust him with my life, that works really well on a "first date". We had loads of fun. I was all sweaty, my hands were shaking and I was leaning against the wall. He put his hands on my climbing harness, pulled me closer to him and kissed me.

You know the feeling when you feel really small? That's how I felt right before our first kiss. It felt like he lifted me up. He made me stronger and weaker simultaneously.

He asked me out for sushi and I said yes. Our date went on for 15 additional hours. Whoopsie.

#3

Mister Yellow.

There's a man I'm still not fully over. I spoke with him on the phone an hour ago (shop talk, I'm afraid) and can't stop thinking of him... Ah, he kills me softly.

Our first real date was freaking perfect.
I let him be in charge, as I always did. He picked me up on a Saturday morning. I had no idea where we were going. All I knew was that I was to wear a LBD and heels. We went to a little city 50 miles from my home. The city is known for its tiny boutiques and cafés, beautiful old houses and all sorts of cultural activities. We had lunch at a beautiful 18th century restaurant, which was open ONLY for us, went to a cello concert, went to a tiny chocolate factory to make our own chocolates, drank coffee in a closed coffee shop and had the perfect day. He opened doors for me and made me feel really special in every way. We had to leave the city early because I didn't get a doggie-sitter. We went home to walk my baby dog. We were supposed to leave for the movies, but I guess things escalated quite quickly and suddenly I realized I was unzipping his dress pants. We stayed in bed for 20 hours, got up only to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy.

Our first date ended at the local WWII museum. It was really quite strange that we went there... I had no idea he was a history buff and he didn't know that my family had just made a donation to the museum. The idea sort of sprung from a strange pillow talk subject about weird fantasies, but I won't tell you about it.

His wavy hair, green eyes, sly smile and perfect laugh makes me miss him even more.
I guess he's the one that got away.

"This feels like falling in love."

Summer of 2014, happiest time ever.

My story of the summer is a really colourful one.

During the last two months I've been on more than 40 dates. Some really sucky, but luckily most of them have been really lovely. I almost fell in love (thanks for ruining it, bro!), partied like crazy in the south, spent hours water fighting with the hottest guy I've ever seen, had a Tinder date in Stockholm, had a guy proposing to me twice at a club... I've also been on a summer festival without seeing a single band - and most of all, I haven't been home for a weekend since Easter. So yeah, Kitty's been a busy lady!

Now, where should I begin...

I took a quick beach holiday to the south with my brother for Midsummer. We didn't really make any plans, just wanted to party like crazy and see what happens. What a surprise, I met a few guys at a club. They were dancing like little maniacs and seemed to have the best night ever.. I kept looking at one of the guys across the dance floor. I smiled at him, he waved at me, bid me to come over. I went over, spoke English, asking him if they were having a bachelor party (because it sure looked that way!).. He answered something weird in a language that I couldn't understand - until I suddenly realized that it was my mother tongue in a weird accent. Hahaha. He took me by the hand and led me outside, to a huge terrace. We sat there for a few minutes, talking, when he started to read my palm. "Oh, I can see that you're about to have the best night ever.. You'll meet the man of your dreams. He's gorgeous, he's wearing a blue dress shirt, he has nice shoes and an expensive watch and he's an excellent kisser." And then he kissed me. We stayed there sitting on the couch on the terrace for two or three hours. I've never met anyone like that.
My brother came out looking for me. He saw what was going on and asked us to come inside and dance with him. The club had done a 180 in a few hours.. There was confetti flying in the air, all sorts of laser beams and glow sticks moving around. It was the best house party I've ever been to. We danced for a few hours (the bar was open 'til 6 a.m.) and then I told my brother goodbye. I left with the guy I just met. I never, ever, do that, but he felt different. He looked exactly like my Mister Yellow, had an accent like him and was just great. He and nine of his friends had rented a huge villa by the river. He took me there, when his friends were still partying at the club. We left early just to be alone for a few hours.
He undressed me in the foyer before he even closed the door. He was really great, for a second there I felt like we weren't having sex, it felt almost like we knew each other, like he had been my boyfriend for ever.. It was hands-down the best sex I had with a new guy.
I was still in my undies when his friends came back from the club. Making a hell of a noise, his roommate (yeah, he didn't have his own room at the villa) came up the stairs and saw us. We escaped his stupid questions, snuck out to the bathroom and finished what we were doing. I suggested that we have sex on the patio "I'll let your friends watch, maybe they'll learn a trick or two" but it was too cold outside at 5 a.m. During the four hours I spent with him, we had awesome sex three times. A moment I'll never forget: we were having sex in the bathroom, he was behind me, pulling my hair... We were in front of this huge mirror. He suddenly stopped what he was doing and said "Look how gorgeous we are. You look absolutely breathtaking when I'm inside you". Freaking unbelievable.

I wasn't about to stay the night there. Well, it was like 7 a.m. when I left the villa to walk back to the hotel. The natives were outside, walking their dogs in the park, when I walked past them with crazy hair, messy make-up and ripped tights. I can't remember what happened.. Something funny, I bet.

Oh, yeah. My brother told me off when I found my way back to our hotel room. He scolded me, said that I did it because he looked exactly like Mister Yellow, spoke like him, touched me like him... Mister Yellow and I hadn't spoken for 1,5 months when this happened. I guess I missed him.

Summer-y stuff

I met this guy from another city a few days ago. I was out in his home city, in a pub, and the guy started talking to me. We totally clicked. I didn't get his phone number, and didn't give mine out either. My cousins and brother whisked me away from him. Total bummer. I actually forgot him when writing my post yesterday. Whoopsie.

... Until I found him on Tinder.
Now he's my Tinder match, we started talking yesterday. He lives 100 miles away, in the same city as Mister White and my brother. Turns out I'll be spending every other weekend in their home city, either partying with my cousins or meeting up with the cutest men I know. Most likely I'll be combining the two and loving every second of it. This guy surprised me instantly, he asked for my phone number (no surprise there), but he invited me to stay the weekend at his place. Why not. 

One of my best friends is getting married next weekend. No chance of me missing out on that fun, so I'll have to meet him in two weeks... Feels like such a long time. But I'll have loads of fun talking and WhatsApping with him until we meet.

I asked him "If you had 48 hours with me, how would you spend it?"
He answered me by giving me a list of activities:

Bike around the city and go for a picnic
Give me a tour of the city, showing me all his favourite places
Cuddle like crazy
Go for a jog
Play beach volley with his friends
See a movie
Sleep together, as close as it gets
Go skinny dipping in the middle of the night. If we're alone at the beach, who knows what might happen.

The best thing with him is that he has no idea about my desires or wants, and I won't share them with him until I'm in his arms. I have Mister Ink in my life to rock my world, this new guy could be a potential boyfriend. I say that about everyone new nowadays, and take it back in a few days.

Summer 2014, please be fucking beautiful.

Meet Mister Ink.

I'm hot for tattoos.

The pictures on my blog are not of Mister Ink, just in case you're unsure... That's David Beckham, but he looks very much like my Mister Ink. They're both athletes, have gorgeous bodies, loads of tattoos (love those sleeves!) and know how to charm women. Oh yeah, and Mister Ink is also a male model. [insert sigh here]

Mister Ink is a drop-dead gorgeous, blonde guy in his thirties. I met him via Tinder. We share a few friends "in real life". I would probably never have met him outside Tinder, so I'm ecstatic about that little app.
He has loads of tattoos, therefore the nickname Mister Ink. His Tinder profile showed no pictures of his tattoos - I had to find that one out by myself. I went nearly out of my mind when I first saw his skin.

We both have cute dogs, so we went for a Doggie Date. Our dogs didn't really click, but we humans sure did. He looked sooooo good, I had trouble believing it. I was so shy with him, I just couldn't get a word out of my mouth. He kept looking into my eyes like he already knew all my secrets, and for some reason it totally freaked me out.

The first time we met we didn't touch each other at all. Not even a hug goodbye. Afterwards we talked about it. He asked me to wait for it, the physical elements of our relationship would come afterwards. He was so right... Three days later, he rang my doorbell, french-kissed me like crazy while taking his shoes off, guided me to my bedroom (I was backing up all the way, because I was busy sucking his face) and nearly killed me with pleasure.

Mister Ink brings out the bad girl in me.. I won't share any details, but sex with him is ah-freaking-mazing. Quadruple orgasms are basic stuff around the house when we make love. He likes all the kinky stuff that I like, and is not afraid to tell me about his fantasies. He calls me his little nympho. Yeah, he knows his business.

Mister Ink is not just for fun - he's solid boyfriend material. He is trustworthy - in fact, I could talk to him for hours. I could tell him all my secrets and not be the slightest bit afraid of him sharing them with anyone. He's stunning and extremely good in bed, fun to be around and he's seen me in my sweatpants. I told him my darkest secrets and he didn't freak out - not even a bit. I told him about this blog. It was really difficult to admit that I write a blog like this, share details about my personal life like this. He smiled at me, said that it would be fun to be a part of it - "Just don't name me Mister Pink or Mister Peach" - haha. Oh, and I'm not shy around him anymore... Every time he looks deeply into my eyes, I look straight back and smile. Because he makes me smile.

He seriously doesn't care about my past, all he cares about is the things I do in the present and in the future. And he wants to have a sort of a future with me. Sort of.

I can't wait to meet him again.

Once you go Black, you can't go back

You'd think that I was talking about skin colour, right? Well, you're wrong as hell.

Mister Black texted me on Sunday (while I was busy getting angry at Mister Yellow). He told me that he found my disc golf frisbees, and was willing to return them to me if I agreed to listen to him for a few hours. The discs felt like excuses, to be honest. He could have just left them in my mail box.

Wednesday night.
Mister Black drove 500 miles to see me. What the fuck is wrong with him? I confronted him about it. He said that he wanted to show me that he cares for me, that he can make an effort. That he still feels deeply for me, and wanted me to see that. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Speechless. Again. I hate when that happens. 

He talked for three hours. I had absolutely nothing to say to him. I just sat there, listening, crying. The sleeves of my dinosaur sweatshirt were soaked with tears. He was sincerely sorry for all the shit he put me through. He didn't ask for a second chance, he just wanted to take a walk with me some day. And if that went ok, maybe do stuff that we had planned to do.

I met him a few times, really enjoyed my time with him. We had fun together, shared many laughs and happy moments. We agreed to keep things a secret from our mutual friends, just in case things don't work out.

Something strange happened. I turned my girlfriend mode on, wanted to stop seeing my Misters. Mister Black told me that I shouldn't do it, he doesn't want to be treated any differently than all my other guys. "You sure?" I asked. He said yes, but my feelings for him are much deeper than some random Mister. I dumped every single colourful guy, every Mister, just to be with my Mister Black. I'm such an idiot.

Well, shit hit the fan. I found myself feeling the same way I did before I was miserable. I wanted to turn back time, maybe a year or so, to the happiest summer I've ever experienced. That lasted for a week.

During the week we had the most stupid fights I can imagine. He installed Tinder, just to see what all the fuss was about. He didn't tell me about it, I found out myself. Wednesday morning, I saw his phone light up with a few push messages from Tinder. I wasn't jealous, I had no reason to be. I simply said "Oh, you have Tinder? Good for you, I hope you find what you're looking for" and started World War III. He became all weird and accused me of sleeping with all kinds of guys (he was right, but he had no right to be angry at me). He left my home slamming doors - I guess my reaction wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to be the jealous girlfriend, although we weren't even dating? I didn't get it. The next few days were rough. He was seeking for attention, I didn't give it to him.

Weekend came. I made plans to be with Mister Black. He did a no-show. Twice.

That was it. I can't believe that he slipped back to being the shitty person that he is in a week. I won't give him any third chances, we all know that he's a terrible boyfriend. I woke up on Sunday morning with my mind going "what the HELL was I thinking?" 


I sent him a message saying: "Don't text me anymore. Have a great summer." That was it, at least for now.

Girls' night out

Daymmmmmmm.

Saturday night. My girlfriends and I went out to dance. We spent a fabulous night in the city, just the three of us. I was on a roll, I had just experienced a perfect week with my favourite boys.

As you've probably understood, I'm not a shy girl. I'm really good at picking up guys. It runs in the family, my brother and cousins are male versions of me. I just make weird chit-chat with guys I meet. Sometimes I'm the one to initiate the conversation... But mostly I'm being hit on.

So, Saturday. We all looked fine. I started talking with three guys at a club. I was really into this one guy in a black tee, he was my type. His friends were decent-looking as well, if you know what I mean. One of them was a pilot. Sold. He showed me his Tinder profile, but I can't find him. Mister Pilot from Saturday, if you recognize yourself, send me a message, please. My girlfriends joined soon and we all had a blast. That is, until I lost them. I don't recall what I did to lose them, probably went to the loo or to buy a drink...
I was looking for them, when this tall blonde guy turned around and asked me if I was okay - I said no, I just lost my besties. He promised to entertain me until I found them. Well, he entertained me just fine - I woke up at his place five hours later. Oh my god, his flat was the dirtiest little hole I've ever seen. You should have seen his bathroom. I really didn't want to be barefooted in his shower. I don't usually pack flip-flops in my clutch. Maybe I should.

He was the nicest guy in his thirties, funny and kind of cute (although blondes are not really my thing). Apparently he works like 80 hours a week, because he's never home. I was starving, went to the fridge and found nothing. Not even ketchup. That was just odd. He had made all these weird plans about spending the day together. Yeah, no thanks. I got dressed, said bye and took the bus home. I guess I made up a lie about having a meeting or something.

I guess I gave him my number earlier, because he texted me on Sunday, asking how my day went. I was with Mister Orange, curled up in his lap in my undies. Well, I'm juuuuuust fine. Mister Orange was the perfect hangover company. He stroked my hair, fed me, entertained me and well, you know. I really like his style, he's seriously improving, although he's never been bad. Not even middle-class. Right now Mister Orange is in the definite top five.

Perfect for now.

Oh, and the guy in the black tee was married, or engaged. So that was it, then.

Schedules, schedules, schedules

I'm not sure if you've ever had this problem, but bare with me.

Essentially it boils down to this:

Too many men, too little time. 

I find myself in the situation where my calendar is bursting. Every day of the week has at least one name on it. I'd love to show you my real calendar, since it looks kind of funny, but that would reveal names and that is not my style. I'm keeping things anonymous.

For example, last week looked like this:

Monday

Mister Orange

Tuesday

Mister Yellow

Wednesday

A mysterious Mister Someone for lunch (I haven't named him yet)

Mister Yellow in the evening

Thursday

Mister Turquoise

Friday

Mister Turquoise

Saturday

Girls' night out, met a few guys. 

I left the bar with a tall, blonde guy. This particular one has to be named, but I haven't picked a colour yet.

Sunday

Mister Orange

So, you see, I'm getting a looooot of love. The guys I'm seeing right now don't really have to do any real work anymore, they just show up and I'm sold. No romantic dates, no flowers (except from Mister Yellow), no need to fuss about first impressions and ridiculous games. This goes for me as well, I don't have to curl my hair, wear flawless make up or 5 in heels every time we meet. Most of the time I do it anyway, since I love to look nice.

All of these Misters (Yellow, Turquoise and Orange) have seen me in sweat pants. Mister Turquoise has seen me in my ultimate moving outfit (i.e. ripped tights and an oversize tee, messy hair and no make up) and he didn't mind. Mister Orange is an athlete, so he likes to wear soft and comfy clothes. I usually wear a tank top and panties and curl up in his lap.

But yeah, back to my problem... I guess I should make some serious choices at some point. Which ones should I keep, which ones should I let go? Is there any need for me to go out and meet new people anymore? I like all my Misters. Some more than others, but I don't really want to let anyone go.. Damn.

I actually uninstalled Tinder a while back, because I didn't have the time to meet anyone new. And I'm not sure if I have the energy to meet anyone new either.

I need an assistant to fix my schedules. Interested?

I'd really like to meet the perfect guy, the one that would make everyone else trivial. My prince in shining armour, the father of my future children. Did I make you laugh? I couldn't keep a straight face. :D

"Kitty doesn't need a boyfriend. Kitty wants a tiger, meow!"

Tindering away - Kitty's secrets revealed!

My friends ask me frequently about my sudden success on Tinder.

As I've said earlier, I have around 700 Tinder matches. All of them extremely hot, I would date any one of them.  I'm really picky, I don't do unattractive men.

Obviously, I won't show you my Tinder profile. I won't show you any pictures of me or tell you the exact details on my profile text, but I will tell you what makes me tick and how I make guys hot for me. Honestly, it's not that hard.

Tips for pictures:

• Have at least three pictures. A good picture quality would be nice - make sure your pictures aren't all out of focus. Blurry pictures are a no-no. 
• Smile. I only meet nice, smiling guys.
• Look normal. I bet you're really funny, but guys in weird Halloween costumes aren't my thing. That goes for weird hand gestures as well.  
• Make sure you're not lost in the crowd. Don't use only group photos, that is. It's really hard to know what guy I'm checking out if there are 10 of them in every single picture.
• Show off your interests: if you play hockey or football, show it by having a picture of yourself playing. Some occupations are really hot, too. Guys in uniforms make me purr (so if you're a policeman/fireman/pilot, show it, thank you!). 
• If you own a dog or cat, show it as well.
• If your body is covered in tattoos, please let guys know about it. Some men don't like their girls inked, some love it. For me that's a deal breaker.

Tips for a good profile text:

• Keep it simple, stupid. Just a few words will do. Everyone focuses on pictures anyway.
• Make sure you share enough info for guys to be interested. My profile text has just a few words, describing my hobbies. If there's something that you want people to know, say it.
• If you're a guy, puh-leeeeease let me know how tall you are. 
• If you have nothing to say, please don't write anything. I've seen loads of stupid-ass profile texts. Quotes aren't that hot, either.

Things that turn me off:

• Shirtless guys - I know you're hot, but I'd like to find that out myself, thank you very much.
• "Hi." Open a conversation by saying something real, ask me how my day or weekend is going, where my pictures were taken (I travel a lot). 
• Don't be creepy. Don't call me sexy - you can call me Kitty or Kitten, but please. Don't make any weird assumptions, like I'll be making out with you instantly. Oh trust me, I won't.
• Don't text me for weeks before asking me out. And girls, you can ask him out as well. I've initiated quite a few dates and you know what? They turned out just fine.
• Boring conversations about weather. I ask you how you're doing, you answer by saying "Oh I'm well now that the sun is out! Too many rainy days make me drowsy." Kitty won't reply, I have nothing to say.
• Married guys. I don't care if your wife is "cool with it" - please don't have any pictures of you and your wife. That's an instant no. Don't use photos with you kissing another girl, photos with a baby (unless the baby is yours). I don't usually do daddies either.

I've had some weird discussions with guys on Tinder. There was Mike (name edited), for example. I asked Mike what he likes to do on his free time, and he said "drugs". Cool. Nothing in common, delete from contacts. 

In conclusion, be smart, sexy and funny. Use humour in conversations, make sure you're remembered, so ask your matches something different. I usually ask mine for secrets ;)

Freaking out

To this date Mister Yellow and I have been seeing each other for six or seven weeks.

He knows some of my stories, but no real details. I just don't want to bother him with them. And it's not really my style, sharing loads of personal information, especially regarding my past, with guys I date. So this is what he knows: I've been in two shitty relationships, don't really trust guys, I love being fondled and that I date about five guys simultaneously.

Mister Yellow and I meet 3-4 times a week. We always spend the night together. That means that we meet almost every day, at least for a morning coffee before we rush to work. As I told you earlier, Mister Yellow is astonishing in bed. I feel like we have a connection. His green eyes won't look away from mine during sex. And we do it a lot. I let him do things to me that I don't usually do outside relationships and for some reason I find myself totally aroused from doing stuff that I don't usually do. I guess I'm utterly turned on by the fact that I bring him pleasure. Little miss Kitty ain't that selfish no more. Uh-oh.

Tuesday night at his bijou studio flat. We had been seeing each other for 2-3 weeks. We enjoyed a dinner that he cooked, simple yet oh-so delicious. I was lounging on the bed in my Victoria's Secret underwear, he was laying next to me with his laptop beside him, trying to get some work done. Three minutes later we were having sex, him on top of me, looking at me with his deep green eyes, saying "I'm extremely happy".
Noooooooo don't do this! 
I replied: "Say what?", he answered "I'm so happy I found you. I just don't want this to end".
No comeback. I had absolutely no idea how to respond.
This is where I usually run, I don't want guys to tell me that I make them happy. I hurt people as a response to being hurt. So, I freaked out a bit. After sex, that is. I would never stop him, I just love it.
I stayed the night, but I guess I didn't sleep a bit. Wednesday at work sucked ass, zombie Kitty was way too tired to do anything productive.

I've tried to push Mister Yellow away by telling him that I date multiple guys simultaneously, but he doesn't mind. He once said that he knows that I'll come running back to him, our connection is really deep and the sex we share is amazing. Damn, he knows his shit. It's funny because it's true. I do come running back to him, even after breaking up with other people. Is Mister Yellow my rebound guy, although I swore I wouldn't do that anymore?

Mister Yellow and Mister Turquoise are the only two guys that I see regularly. Well, more than once a week, that is. I have a toothbrush and towel at Mister Yellow's place, since I visit his home almost as often as my own. I hardly ever sleep alone anymore, now that I have the chance to sleep beside a guy who just happens to be 6 ft 4 in (190 cm) tall. And smart. And muscular. And handsome in every possible way. And and and and and please kill me. I think that my sick little mind has developed some sort of crush on him. He makes shit happen, I find myself being a better girl simply by being with him. Please someone, find my Katana and chop me in symmetrical cubes.

A few weeks ago he tried to make me jealous. He left his phone on the table (not in his jacket pocket on silent as he normally does), and he'd been playing Tinder before I got to his place, because his phone just wouldn't stop plinging, buzzing and making all kinds of odd sounds. I really don't mind that he uses Tinder (I play Tinder when I'm alone, too), but the fact that he does it while I'm in the room makes me really sad. He responded to his Tinder messages while I sat on the bed, waiting for him to join me. Not cool. I asked him to stop being an asshole. He put down his phone, slid beside me in bed and kissed me all over. Apology accepted!

His behaviour was a clear response to something that happened the night before, when I had left my phone on the table (on silent) while I brushed my teeth. Mister Turquoise sent me his regular good night text with a few hearts and xo's, and Mister Yellow freaked out when he read those texts. My fault, I simply don't know how to switch the preview off, but still.
He asked me who Mister Turquoise is, I told him that he's a friend of a friend and he simply replied "Oh, that makes it all better."
Would it have been easier if I told him I found him on Tinder? Why didn't I do that? Oh, because I'm a shitty liar. My face gives me away in a nanosecond. Lying about Mister Turquoise would have been worse.
What the fuck just happened? 
I went to bed, hugging a pillow. He brushed his teeth and laid down beside me, not touching me. "Good night", I said. No answer.

Ice cold.

A miserable Monday

This is a story about how you should always have an escape plan when dating guys from Tinder.

I met a cute guy on Tinder. Let's call him ... no, let's not call him anything. Random guy #1 is enough. He had one or two pictures on his Tinder profile, no background info. To be honest, I think he looked kinda cute. I started talking to him and he seemed nice. I got his phone number and we started texting. We made plans for Monday night. I got off work really late, but I really wanted to meet this guy - he seemed really interesting.

He gave me his address and I went to his place, we'd decided to watch a movie (and I was supposed to stay the night, obviously). The guy I met at the door was extremely different than the guy I imagined meeting. He was about 5 feet tall (that's about 150 cm for you European people), a good 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than myself. He seemed apologetic somehow, as if he'd known that he would disappoint me. Or maybe he was disappointed that I was this tall?
I promised him earlier that we'd watch a movie together. Fuuuuuuuuck, how do I get out of this?

This guy occupied the space where my brain used to be. No way out. Help?

He wanted me to sit on his bed, next to him, holding his hand throughout the movie. I can't even imagine the situation with a straight face anymore. I just couldn't do it. My brain went berserk inside my head, and for some reason I kept looking around his flat in stead of looking at the telly. He had a guitar hanging on the wall. I snatched it, sat with the guitar in my lap and started tuning it. Ha-ha-ha, he couldn't touch me!

At the perfect hour, just when I had tuned the guitar, Mister Yellow sent me a weird message with a picture of a horse. It was so utterly random, I could do nothing but wonder. I texted him back, asking him for help. I really needed him to save me from this one. He asked me to come over (surprise). I told Random Guy #1 that my friend had an emergency and I needed to leave ASAP. Mister Yellow was awesome, I told him that he just saved me from a terrible, weird-ass date, he laughed and thought the whole thing was "epic".

So, what did I learn?

• Always ask the guy how tall he is, especially if you're into tall men. My minimum is 6 ft, because I need to feel small in comparison to my man. That's just my thing, no need to deny it.
• Make an escape plan. Have friends call or text you during the date - you'll have a perfect excuse to leave.

Phew. Thank goodness I survived. Random Guy #1 texted me a few days ago, asked if we should meet next week. Umm, no? I told him I was dating someone else. Damn, I feel like a bitch.

Mister Blonde, my favourite hockey player

This is a story about me and Mister Blonde.

Mister Blonde is a hockey player with a terrific ass. He's hot in every other way as well, but I just can't get over his glutes in tight jeans. Serious eye candy.
By the way, that's just what I told my girlfriends. "He's the guy with the terrific ass" - haha.

He has a great sense of humour and his beard tickles my face when he kisses me. He's smart and not afraid to show it. We even love the same books, we have the same favourite authors. Before our first kiss he asked me if I consider myself smart. I answered yes, of course, and he kissed me. I wonder what he would have done if I said no, haha.

Mister Blonde was a sort of challenge. He told me that he wasn't able to fall for anyone. Mister Blonde hadn't developed a crush in anyone in several years. No girlfriend in three years.
Challenge accepted. 
Four days later, we're lounging in his bed, he tells me that he wants to be with me. We planned a trip abroad together.

He was sort of a sweetheart. We dated for three or four weeks. I didn't exactly take notes. ;)
Somewhere along the road his roommate told me that he'd just "broken up" with someone... I wasn't quite sure how that was possible, since my Mister Blonde told me on several different occasions that he had no girlfriend, not for three or so years. Turns out he had a somewhat of an on-off-relationship with a friend, who suddenly found a boyfriend and dumped my sweetie Mister Blonde. That's when he joined Tinder and we met. He said that he wasn't ready for anything serious, which was more than OK, and he convinced me that he wanted to keep seeing me.

I took several steps back: I wouldn't send him texts; it took me a few days to add him as a friend on Facebook (he kept reminding me, whoopsie); I never began any conversations with him. I let him do all the work. A sunny Tuesday in March, he told me that we should definitely meet on Thursday. I never really understood all his girlfriend and break-up talk, until I suddenly realized that I was breaking up with him. It was apparent that he wasn't over that weird thing he refused to call a relationship.

I left him there, looking hot while lounging on his bed, put on my headphones and walked to my car. I texted Mister Yellow, told him that I had a really bad day because I just broke up with Mister Blonde, and was in dire need of a hug. He told me to come over. Fifteen minutes later he answered the door wearing nothing but boxer shorts and Ray-Bans. I couldn't stop laughing.

Sometimes things turn out OK in the end, just like that Thursday. I got my hug and Mister Yellow looked happy. Sometimes I feel like that's all I need. People looking happy.

A night with Mister Blue and his friends

Friday night in the suburbs.

Mister Blue and I've met a few times.
He's a sweetie, but not a potential boyfriend for me. Not at all. He finds having a girlfriend a serious responsibility - what?! - and who said I was in need of a boyfriend?

Anyway. It was steak and red wine night in the tech student's bijou flat. I promised to bring all the food and wine, if he provided for the entertainment.

Well, I brought a Cabernet Sauvignon called "Breathing Space" - I picked it off the shelf simply because the label had a hot air balloon on it. I sent a picture of the bottle to Mister Blue. He laughed and said I was a silly little kitten.

Turns out that Mister Blue really liked my style in buying wines. Suddenly his kitchen table was covered in all kinds of wines: bicycle wine, Kung-fu wine, sparrow wine, bear wine and my bottle of hot air balloon wine.

Luckily we didn't have to drink all of that by ourselves. He had some friends come over. He introduced me to his friends by saying: "Guys, meet Kitty. She has the prettiest smile. Look."
Sold!

Mister Blue didn't even own any wine glasses, so we enjoyed our wine from coffee mugs, plastic cups and whatnots. I had so much fun! His tech student buddies made me laugh with weird Transformer jokes. Luckily I'm quite the nerd myself and got their puns.

Saturday morning. Headache. My brother calls me up at nine, asking me where I am. I was supposed to leave home early, my brother and I were to work out before hitting the clubs. Yeah, not gonna happen. I showered, got dressed and hoped to die.

I haven't seen Mister Yellow in a few days and I miss him like crazy. He texted me in the morning, asking me for lingerie pictures (not sure if he was kidding) and wishing me a happy weekend with my brother.
Damn.

Tinder surprise

I blame it all on Tinder.

After I Whatsapped Mister Black and it was over between us (click here to read his story), I cried for about five minutes, and then I was OK. I spent the weekend with my family and friends, and someone told me to join Tinder. I did, and my iPhone hasn't stopped buzzing, peeping and ringing since.

To me, Tinder is a game just like any other silly app. I started talking to guys I found attractive, and suddenly realized that I've gained almost 700 Tinder matches. Let's say that if 90% of all the guys on Tinder are douche bags (and thinking back, I think my estimates are quite accurate) - there are still 70 guys on my iPhone worth checking out. So I started working and made a few dates.

This is a quick recap my first week on Tinder.

Monday
My first Tinder date was with Mister Yellow. I met him at a coffee shop during my lunch break. My look was beyond horrible: I had no makeup, my hair was just tied up in my neck in a tight bun, I was wearing running tights and sneakers and I guess I didn't smell that awesome either. For some reason he didn't mind. He made me laugh and I had a blast. I totally wished to meet him again, but we didn't make any arrangements.
After work I met up with Mister Purple. I wasn't really that into him and I certainly didn't like the fact that he asked me to meet him at his place for "dinner and a movie" (which seems to be Tinder code for sex), but I did find him somewhat good-looking, so I went. I guess he was OK, but waaaaay too needy for me. He wanted to watch a thriller or horror movie, just to make sure I'd stay close to him all night. Ehh. Sex with him was kind of awkward at first, because he seemed so unsure of himself, but after a few rounds (yeah, you heard me) he became OK. I guess he was a little shy at first or something. I knew that this was a one time only type of thing, but I tried to stay the night as promised. He wouldn't let me sleep, he was all over me all the time. It sort of freaked me out, so I got dressed and let myself out as he fell asleep. No need to call me again, thank you very much.

Tuesday
I had to work in the evening, so no dates. I chatted with a few guys on Tinder and made a couple of matches.
Mister Yellow texted me, saying he wanted to meet me again. There's something seriously wrong with that dude.

Wednesday
Mister Pink lives quite close to where I work. He texted me on Tuesday, asking if we should meet up (since I was just a few kilometers away). I was free on Wednesday night, so I met up with him. He was ridiculously good looking: tall, dark, mesmerizing eyes, a muscular body - the whole physical package. But there was something wrong with him though. After an hour-long discussion he blurted out that he'd separated from a reeeeally serious relationship last summer, and was still not over it. He was on Tinder because he wanted to get married and have kids real soon. He was attracted to me. No thanks.

Thursday
After work I met up with my girlfriends for a beer. We had a loooooong chat, I told them about my miserable Tinder dates. They found my stories amusing, therefore this blog got started. I had made a date for Thursday night as well. I said good-bye to my girlfriends and met Mister Beige for dinner. He was really funny and nice, but there was something missing. I could be his friend if he asked me, actually, I'd love to. I should text him.
Mister Yellow texted me again. We made plans for Saturday.

Friday
Mister Blue had been texting me for four days. We met on Friday, he took me for drinks after work. I found him attractive, he was a very, very smart guy, which I find really hot. Mister Blue is a tech student and really into space stuff. He oozes intelligence and I feel a lot smarter when I'm with him. I learn stuff from him, even when I'm a little tipsy. I spent five or six hours laughing and making him laugh (a new sensation) before going home. I hugged him goodbye and felt a weird vibe between us, he really wanted to kiss me. I sort of freaked out, ran off. I had a bus to catch.
I tried to booty call Mister Yellow (because he's such a ridiculously hot guy!) but he didn't answer me. Bummer.
Mister Blue texted me when he came home. He told me that he wasn't really into relationships, and didn't expect to find one on Tinder, but he liked me a lot and wanted to try it out.... What's wrong with these people?

Saturday & Sunday
Headache. Mister Yellow called me in the morning, telling me he'd be picking me up in an hour. He'd made some sort of special plans for the day and wanted me to wear a LBD and heels. Daaaaamn. We had a perfect date. I was sold instantly. He'd open doors for me, made sure I was happy all the time and surprised me left and right. I had a weird feeling about him, I could have fallen for him instantly. It sort of freaked me out, but not in a bad way.
Our date lasted 28 hours. He stayed the night. I experienced something awesome, another round of my-brain-splattered-on-the-walls sort of sex. I mean, it had been more than a year since my last experience. I was a bit afraid that this was it, I would never find anyone else. He made me laugh, hugged me, told me funny stories about last summer, kissed me all over. Panic.
Sunday night. Mister Blue called me, asking me to come over - dinner and a movie sort of stuff. Fuck Tinder, I really wasn't interested in sex right now. I told him that we could meet up, I'd bring the food if he'd arrange for a movie. Everything worked out just fine. I spent a few hours in his arms, he kissed my neck, smelled my hair and we watched something that I've already managed to forget. That was nice.

After my first week on Tinder I had loads of dates. I didn't really care for any others than Mister Blue and Mister Yellow. They had something that I felt I needed. Maybe I could give them something and receive something as well.

Feel the love, baby.