Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Confusion, part II.

There are days when I dislike my little life.

Tuesday wasn't one of them. I met Mister Blonde

Mister Blonde has been teasing me all week. I have absolutely no clue what to think of the whole business. He sends me several texts every day, asking me how I'm doing, what my plans for the evening are, etc. 
Getting together yesterday was his idea. He wanted to do something with me, yet he never suggested any specific activities.

So... I picked him up after work. We cooked thai food (yummy!) and spent the night together at my place. We played silly little games and talked for seven hours. He didn't touch me. Not once.

We agreed earlier that he could stay over, because it would take him half an hour to get home. He doesn't have a car, you see. I told him that he could sleep in my spare room, now that I got a bed there.

I got really sleepy around 11 p.m. I brushed my teeth and mumbled something like "do you want to sleep next to me?" and he said yes. We went to my bedroom, chatting about our future (well, not our future - I mean, our separate futures), dreams and trips.. He got undressed, I couldn't look away. His whole upper body had this beautiful tan that looked amazing in my bedroom. I got undressed, he never took his eyes away from me and my body. He smiled a bit.

I dived under the covers, he followed me. He came really close. His face was just a few inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my cheek. He looked at me just the way he used to... It freaked me out, so I turned off the lights. We kept talking for two more hours.

His hand brushed mine, but I drew my hand away. He didn't touch me again. He didn't even try to kiss me. I fell asleep without saying "good night".

We woke up at 5 a.m. He was already wide awake, he wouldn't stop smiling at me when I opened my eyes.

Fuck. Did I talk in my sleep again?

He said that he was just genuinely happy to wake up next to me.
No comebacks.

Freaking out. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him? 

Is he going to be my friend, or does he want something entirely different? Why is he showing so much interest in what I do every day, but he didn't even try to touch me? Why has he sent me four texts in the last ten minutes, although I haven't had the time to answer the first one? Why is he interested in knowing what kinds of guys I date at the moment? Why is he interested in my brother and what sorts of men he would "approve" to be my boyfriend?

But most of all. Why didn't he touch me?!?

I'm used to guys being really physical around me. I'm used to being touched. Now that I'm not being touched by one my mind is doing cartwheels. 

Oh yeah, I never showed you what he looks like. 
This is quite close, but imagine him with lighter hair and broader shoulders.

Now we're planning a trip together for Christmas. I'm thinking Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Yeah, I could live with that.

But I still have no idea if I'm planning a trip to Vietnam with a friend or a potential boyfriend.
Freaking out.

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