Friday, 22 August 2014
This girl is on fire!
Mister Fire and I have been seeing each other a lot. We started doing acro yoga a week ago. My wrists hurt from all the handstands and my face hurts from all the smiling. Mister Fire is really strong, he lifts me easily. Acro yoga with him is just perfect, I feel like I'm flying when I'm in his arms. Apres-yoga showers together make my heart beat out of my chest.
I had a quick freak out session on Wednesday. I suddenly realized that I really want to be a part of his life. I want him to ditch all the other chicks and just be with me. I sent him a message saying that I don't want to meet him anymore.
"You know the feeling when you know you'll break your heart, but you still want to know how it feels? I'm experiencing that emotion right now and I hate it. We had a good run, I just need to get my shit together and delete you from my life. I like you a lot and I hate the fact that we'll never have a future together. You're a poly, I'm not. I feel I'm latching on to you and I need to escape. Just let me go." I made him freak out as well. He told me that he has no problem fitting me in his busy little life, but he's unsure of "the things we'll share in the future because we don't know each other yet". He didn't really appreciate the fact that I was willing to let him go so easily. I had a really bad day, I was moody as hell. He told me I should never bring that shit up on WhatsApp again.
Yesterday he sent me a tape of him singing... I had to catch my breath for an hour after seeing the tape. He was at work, he was wearing his FD tee and shorts; he just stood there, barefoot, in front of his phone, singing to me. I did tell you he's a part-time fitness model and a musician, right? A terrible combination, if you ask me.
If he'd ask, I'd definitely be his girlfriend for life. In a non-poly way, thank you very much. I actually caught myself planning our wedding invitations. Hahaha I'm such an idiot. I even deleted Tinder from my iPhone because he asked me to.
Can you change a person?
I guess not. And I don't want to change him either. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask, therefore I'd never do it. I'm not supposed to discuss relationship stuff on WhatsApp or over the phone, but how can I break up with him if I have to see him and he charms me again..?
Confusion and anxiety doesn't even begin to describe my feelings right now.
We'll see what tomorrow's acro yoga practice brings...
I always fall for the wrong guy.