Thursday, 28 August 2014

Tuesday love

Tuesday night.
Mister Fire invited me to spend the night at his place.
He had the day off, so I left work early. 
He answered the door in his underwear. He pulled me close and kissed me. I forgot to breathe for a second. "I missed you", he said.

Yada yada yada, my phone rang and I had to work for an hour or so. As I answered a few emails Mister Fire just sat there in front of me, staring at me. I couldn't stop smiling.

We cooked together. I was chopping veggies, he kept touching me all over. I put down the knife and dragged him to the bedroom where we stayed for over an hour. I sort of forgot that I was starving! Afterwards we took a long shower together as we always do. I couldn't stop giggling when he washed me.

We had dinner three hours after my arrival. He lit candles, put on soft jazz and just sat there, looking gorgeous. It felt like a dream.

Mister Fire and I don't do "normal" stuff together. We've never watched tv or even a movie. Tuesday night he gave me a massage. He knows my body better than Mister Black or Mister Grey, although we've spent such a short time together. Things escalate quite quickly when we're together... We ended up having sex on his living room floor. My knees are killing me right now, because his carpet burned the skin right off them. I didn't even notice, I was too busy feeling loved.

We had the most amazing night ever. I actually thought that my friends wouldn't believe me when I tell them about him. 

My favourite quotes from Tuesday night:
"You're not 'just good enough'. You're my dream and I want you." 
"You're not just a match, you're a catch. Good night, sweetie."
"You're like fireworks and ecstasy all rolled into one. I can't get enough of you."

Why do I feel this sad?
Oh yeah, because he's a poly and it breaks my heart.

Monday, 25 August 2014

Happiness is...

... Hearing steaming hot bedtime stories that usually come true a few days later. "[...] you're the prettiest princess I've ever seen. I'm your fool, here just to please you." 
(I seriously need to write them down some day. Sexy novels, coming up!)

... Letting him do whatever he wants with me. I feel totally surrendered and naked in his eyes. He looks at me like we've been together in a previous life and kisses me all over. His big, warm hands on my body are all I need. He's happy when I'm happy, he feels pleasure when he pleasures me. I have never ever felt anything like this before, and this is just the beginning. I feel like I haven't done anything yet, because he won't let me be in charge. Oh I'll tie him up one day.

... Dancing naked in my living room in the middle of the night.

... Feeling his breath on my neck as I hug him.

... "Tell me about your sex dreams. No words, show me."

... Planning a photo shoot together. Hearing him say that he wants pictures of us right now because he wants to remember us this way forever.

... Watching him play his music on my piano, all nude of course. I promise, I'll take a picture of that later on. Damn, it's hot.

... waking up in the middle of the night. There's a ridiculously hot guy sleeping beside me, holding me tighter and kissing my hair when I'm moving around.

... Feeling high all the time. I've never done any drugs (and never will), but I can imagine the feeling. We were chatting yesterday, making plans for the week, I suddenly felt a little dizzy. I noticed that I'd held my breath, listening to him and his stupid jokes.

... Having breakfast in my kitchen on a Sunday morning. I'm making pancakes, he just sits there, smiling at me. He looks at me like he's always been in love with me. I walk past him, his hand runs down the small of my back and pulls me close to him. He kisses me and I am speechless. He can't keep his hands off me and I love it.

... realizing that I can never be with anyone else and not freaking out.

If this thing doesn't work out, that's OK. I'll just keep blogging. I'll install Tinder and maybe I'll find a substitute for him. Maybe someone else is good enough. Maybe.

I should never have fallen for this guy anyway.

Now I just need to dump all the other guys. I need an assistant for that, any cute ladies up for the job?

Sunday, 24 August 2014

"I'm not in love"

Fuck butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I'm with him.

I was talking with a cute little friend of mine today. I heard myself say "I'm not in love". Who am I kidding? It felt almost like a lie.

I feel like I've been hit in the head with an anvil. 

My weekend was absolutely beautiful. I had a lovely night at home with my Mister Blonde. I'm slowly beginning to realize that we're just friends, although he kids around about us having sex last March. I cooked for him, we drank wine and watched a movie. He stayed over, slept in my bed. His body touched mine from shoulders to toes but I felt nothing. I didn't have any feelings for him whatsoever. I sincerely hope he feels the same way about me so that we can be friends in the future. I'd really love to travel with him. Imagine this: Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Imagine him on a motorcycle, me riding in the back holding onto him. Fingers crossed.
Worst-case scenario is that he's into me and the whole trip will be ruined. I'll delete him from my Facebook friends list (again) and we'll never talk again. 
Let's not do that.

I gave Mister Blonde a ride home on Saturday morning. I had made plans with Mister Fire (mmmmmhmhmmhm yummy! [insert sigh sounds here]). I was supposed to meet him at his place and go for a little acro yoga session in the park, just the two of us, and a steamy shower afterwards. It was raining cats and dogs, so no trips to the park. In stead of working out he played me some of his musicI was speechless, I felt like an idiot. All I could say was "yeah, I like this. I would listen to this. You're talented" and smile and look at him. His blue-green eyes are mesmerizing, they're just so addictive.. And so is his music. I feel proud of him for some silly reason.

As soon as he stopped playing, I undressed him. His button-down shirt felt like a obstacle course, it took me ages to get it off him. But when I did, it was absolutely worth the 10-second wait. As I've said earlier, sex with him is freaking awesome. Hands down, best I've ever had. The thing is, he keeps looking straight into my eyes with those blue-green eyes of his, never looking away. He keeps smiling, he even laughs sweetly every now and then, he tells me how much he's into me and how pretty I look on top of him. He knows how to move that amazing body of his. Now, after a few more "runs" he knows exactly what I'm into, he can read my expressions perfectly and does his magic. Click, click, boom! - my brains on the wall.

Four words I can't get enough of:
"Gimme more." 
"You're amazing."

So... During the last 23 hours we had sex seven times. He even woke me up in the middle of the night. Best. Sex. Ever. I've never felt such passion with anyone. Just feeling his breath on my neck made me crazy about him. His broad shoulders, muscular arms and back, the way he looks at me when he's happy... Ecstatic. Afterwards I asked him what the hell just happened. He laughed, kissed me and said "you just had the best sex dream ever." He took me in his arms, kissed my hair. I fell asleep instantly. 

In some way I feel like he's seen straight into my soul.
I'm not shy anymore.

You'd think our relationship is merely physical. Well, it's not. Though, today he was experiencing serious self control issues when I was driving and he wanted to touch me, but not kill the both of us. I pulled the car over and kissed him, almost undressed him if not for that freaking button-down shirt of his... Until he stopped me and said that we had to hurry, I was late for a meeting with my friend. Damn friends.

Wait, what was I saying? Yeah, he and I talk a lot. About everything. We share our secrets and our dreams, we can easily spend several hours on the phone on a regular Thursday evening. 
He told me yesterday, during sex, that being with me feels like being weightless, the feeling you have in your stomach when riding a roller coaster. I'm the bump that makes his body take flight.

He just sent me a text saying "Gimme more. :-*"

How can I ever be with anyone else?

a.k.a. Bump-Bunny
a.k.a. Hump-Honey

P.S. The pictures for our wedding invitations will be shot this fall. Just kidding, he's arranging a photo shoot with the two of us. I have a slight idea of what he's planning. Something acrobatic and extremely sexy. My hypermobile hips and his muscular body go quite well together. ;)

Friday, 22 August 2014

This girl is on fire!

Mister Fire and I have been seeing each other a lot. We started doing acro yoga a week ago. My wrists hurt from all the handstands and my face hurts from all the smiling. Mister Fire is really strong, he lifts me easily. Acro yoga with him is just perfect, I feel like I'm flying when I'm in his arms. Apres-yoga showers together make my heart beat out of my chest.

I had a quick freak out session on Wednesday. I suddenly realized that I really want to be a part of his life. I want him to ditch all the other chicks and just be with me. I sent him a message saying that I don't want to meet him anymore.
"You know the feeling when you know you'll break your heart, but you still want to know how it feels? I'm experiencing that emotion right now and I hate it. We had a good run, I just need to get my shit together and delete you from my life. I like you a lot and I hate the fact that we'll never have a future together. You're a poly, I'm not. I feel I'm latching on to you and I need to escape. Just let me go." I made him freak out as well. He told me that he has no problem fitting me in his busy little life, but he's unsure of "the things we'll share in the future because we don't know each other yet". He didn't really appreciate the fact that I was willing to let him go so easily. I had a really bad day, I was moody as hell. He told me I should never bring that shit up on WhatsApp again.

Yesterday he sent me a tape of him singing... I had to catch my breath for an hour after seeing the tape. He was at work, he was wearing his FD tee and shorts; he just stood there, barefoot, in front of his phone, singing to me. I did tell you he's a part-time fitness model and a musician, right? A terrible combination, if you ask me.

If he'd ask, I'd definitely be his girlfriend for life. In a non-poly way, thank you very much. I actually caught myself planning our wedding invitations. Hahaha I'm such an idiot. I even deleted Tinder from my iPhone because he asked me to.

Can you change a person?
I guess not. And I don't want to change him either. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask, therefore I'd never do it. I'm not supposed to discuss relationship stuff on WhatsApp or over the phone, but how can I break up with him if I have to see him and he charms me again..?

Confusion and anxiety doesn't even begin to describe my feelings right now.

We'll see what tomorrow's acro yoga practice brings...

I always fall for the wrong guy.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Confusion, part II.

There are days when I dislike my little life.

Tuesday wasn't one of them. I met Mister Blonde

Mister Blonde has been teasing me all week. I have absolutely no clue what to think of the whole business. He sends me several texts every day, asking me how I'm doing, what my plans for the evening are, etc. 
Getting together yesterday was his idea. He wanted to do something with me, yet he never suggested any specific activities.

So... I picked him up after work. We cooked thai food (yummy!) and spent the night together at my place. We played silly little games and talked for seven hours. He didn't touch me. Not once.

We agreed earlier that he could stay over, because it would take him half an hour to get home. He doesn't have a car, you see. I told him that he could sleep in my spare room, now that I got a bed there.

I got really sleepy around 11 p.m. I brushed my teeth and mumbled something like "do you want to sleep next to me?" and he said yes. We went to my bedroom, chatting about our future (well, not our future - I mean, our separate futures), dreams and trips.. He got undressed, I couldn't look away. His whole upper body had this beautiful tan that looked amazing in my bedroom. I got undressed, he never took his eyes away from me and my body. He smiled a bit.

I dived under the covers, he followed me. He came really close. His face was just a few inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my cheek. He looked at me just the way he used to... It freaked me out, so I turned off the lights. We kept talking for two more hours.

His hand brushed mine, but I drew my hand away. He didn't touch me again. He didn't even try to kiss me. I fell asleep without saying "good night".

We woke up at 5 a.m. He was already wide awake, he wouldn't stop smiling at me when I opened my eyes.

Fuck. Did I talk in my sleep again?

He said that he was just genuinely happy to wake up next to me.
No comebacks.

Freaking out. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him? 

Is he going to be my friend, or does he want something entirely different? Why is he showing so much interest in what I do every day, but he didn't even try to touch me? Why has he sent me four texts in the last ten minutes, although I haven't had the time to answer the first one? Why is he interested in knowing what kinds of guys I date at the moment? Why is he interested in my brother and what sorts of men he would "approve" to be my boyfriend?

But most of all. Why didn't he touch me?!?

I'm used to guys being really physical around me. I'm used to being touched. Now that I'm not being touched by one my mind is doing cartwheels. 

Oh yeah, I never showed you what he looks like. 
This is quite close, but imagine him with lighter hair and broader shoulders.

Now we're planning a trip together for Christmas. I'm thinking Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Yeah, I could live with that.

But I still have no idea if I'm planning a trip to Vietnam with a friend or a potential boyfriend.
Freaking out.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

I smell smoke.

There's this new guy.

He's a fireman, therefore I'll name him Mister Fire. He's also a part-time fitness model and will probably be reading this blog on some occasion. Wanna know why? Because I tell him everything and it freaks me out.

The thing is, he confuses me. I'm shy when I'm with him, I can't find any words and I'm just not myself at all. I'm having serious trouble looking him in the eye and he takes advantage of that. He plays me like a fiddle.

He's absolutely gorgeous. Easily one of the hottest so far.

And he's addicted to me.

I don't find myself particularly special. I'm not particularly fit, not that pretty either - witty, maybe. I asked him this morning what he sees in me. 

He answered:
"You really want to know what I think? This is what your Tinder profile should say:
'An exceptionally smart, funny, sexy and witty girl, whose smile can light up a whole city. Interesting, yet easy to be around. Looking for a tall guy to follow - not for wussies.' Like it?"
- Yeah.

Now, why am I confused again? 
Oh yeah, because he's a poly. He's in several relationships simultaneously.

I asked him yesterday about his "girls" - apparently there are two that he really cares for, three potential ones, a few playmates and a few fuck buddies. 

I fell silent.

That sounds really bad, doesn't it? I asked him what he needs me for, when he's got that many chicks throwing themselves at him. He told me something, but I guess I was just too upset to remember what it was. I find myself single although I'm seeing quite a few guys at the moment. I just don't know what to think of that. My first reaction was to run, really fast, because I think I'll get hurt really soon. I went to bed angry.

But you know, I don't want to leave him. Sex with him is ah-freaking-mazing. He's the best so far. No surprises there, he's had quite a few trial runs with other chicks... Talking to him is great. We can spend four hours on the phone just chatting away about something ridiculous or dead serious. I know everything about his fucked-up family and he knows everything about mine.

He's afraid to meet my brother on Saturday.
He should be afraid.

Best thing you never had

Remember Mister Blonde?
He was my favourite hockey player. Hands down, the best ass I've ever seen. We stopped seeing each other because Mister Blonde hadn't gotten over his semi-girlfriend. I deleted him from my Tinder contacts, unfriended him on Facebook and didn't text him back. I stopped reading his blog and to be honest, I forgot about him altogether.

If I didn't have Mister Yellow, I know I would have been really heartbroken about not seeing Mister Blonde anymore. I guess I just had the perfect distraction.

Four months of radio silence.
Until last Thursday, that is.

Mister Blonde texted me, asked me how I've been, how I've spent my summer and yada yada. I gawked at my phone. Why did he message me? It was he who wanted to stop seeing me, I just had to go along with it. I asked him why he texted me. He didn't give me a reason, he just told me that he liked talking with me and missed my silly anecdotes. He's doing really well in his life. He just started his own company and it's going just like he planned. I'm really happy to hear that.

Thing is, I'm not sure what to think of the whole thing. I told Mister Blonde that I don't want to be friends with him - I don't have sex with my friends (or become friends with people I've had sex with, thank you very much). He said that he didn't have an ulterior motive, he just wanted to talk with me and see how it feels. He hasn't suggested that we meet. I guess he just wants someone to talk to.

Today he asked me if I consider him short. He's 6ft1in (182 cm) tall, which is almost okay. I really like much taller guys, just like the ones I'm seeing at the moment (updates coming up!). But yeah, I told him that all the guys that I date are taller than 6ft2in (185cm), although being tall is nothing compared to being smart and funny. I have to admit, Mister Blonde is one of the sexiest guys I've ever dated. He's funny, he's exceptionally smart and he's good-looking. I loved the way he used to touch me, tease me, until I begged for him to get undressed.

He told me I'm the one that got away. He remembers every conversation we had. He's genuinely interested in me, my work and my life. Feels really weird.

Now I'm thinking about him....

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Boys of Summer

Ok guys, I know you're dying to hear about the men I'm dating at the moment. Here's a quick recap of what's going on:

Mister White is a gorgeous and funny guy. I met him a few weeks ago when I visited my brother. They actually live a block away from each other.
It was extremely nice to spend an evening with him. We tried to watch a movie, but kept talking and kissing and and and and... Well, I just know that the movie featured Robert Downey Jr, I have no idea what else was going on. Haha.
I stayed the night, even though I could just have walked a few yards to be "home". I told him that I wasn't going to sleep with him, because I know he wouldn't call me after... I was "home" at 7 a.m., when Mister White had to leave for work.
He thinks I'm high-maintenance and maybe a bit difficult, but he loves spending time with me. Or at least that's what he told me. Well, of course I seem high-maintenance compared to all the easy chicks he usually hangs out with. I'll be his challenge.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot... He's not a hockey player. He plays basketball. And he's like 6ft5in tall. I can live with that.

Mister Vanilla and I work together, so it would never have worked out between us. We never went out for a real date, because there's always something in the way... We did share a few cups of coffee together though. I still like him a lot. We talk almost every day. Right now he's on the other side of the globe and I kind of miss him. That's my little secret, don't tell him about that. ;)

Mister Shade is my Swedish lover. I met him in June when I visited my relatives in Sweden. He's gorgeous, he looks like Alexander SkarsgÄrd and is just yummy in every single way. He could be a little taller, though. ;) Just kidding, he's perfect. I've met him twice, and now I'm planning a new trip to Sweden in September. One weekend a month is pure perfection. I'll share details about our encounters in a few weeks.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Swedish guys are hot.
There are three more guys that I really don't want to talk about yet. One of them could become the future father of my children. I met him in another city, a hundred miles from my home. It was during the worst thunderstorm I've ever seen, the streets were flooded with water. We stayed huddled under a bus stop waiting for the rain to pass. He asked me out. Our first date lasted 72 hours. I'm meeting him later today... I think I've developed sort of a crush on him. Let's just say that if something serious happens, you'll know about it.
The two other guys are just for fun, I guess. One is madly in love with me, wants to spend every waking hour with me - the other just wants to talk about our favourite TV show and fuck me. I actually like the latter one.

..And a little something about the guys I've let go:

Mister Ink was fabulous. I absolutely loved to be around him. His hands were all over my body all the time, he taught me stuff and made me smile when I felt sad. The reason it all ended was because he booty called me. He asked me for "lunch" at his place, and when we I there, he didn't have anything ready. He hadn't shopped for any food either. Ahh, I was so frustrated... I actually thought that it would have been nice to spend a few hours together before returning to work, but turns out he just wanted to fuck me. I've got guys that actually care about me, thank you very much.

Mister Yellow and I work together nowadays. Yeah, who would have thought? It feels weird. REALLY weird. I still want him and it hurts. I have to meet him next week with a few other guys and I'm wondering what our business meeting will look like. I'll have to bring a napkin, just to stop me from drooling all over the table.

There was a time in June when I almost fell in love. I was dating this guy for two weeks. He took me climbing - in fact, he was my private teacher.. After our class he asked me out for sushi and I said yes. Sparks flew, it felt magical. Until he met my brother. My brother just hated him. Long story short: my brother told me to dump the douche and I did. Phew. That was close.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Summer of 2014, happiest time ever.

My story of the summer is a really colourful one.

During the last two months I've been on more than 40 dates. Some really sucky, but luckily most of them have been really lovely. I almost fell in love (thanks for ruining it, bro!), partied like crazy in the south, spent hours water fighting with the hottest guy I've ever seen, had a Tinder date in Stockholm, had a guy proposing to me twice at a club... I've also been on a summer festival without seeing a single band - and most of all, I haven't been home for a weekend since Easter. So yeah, Kitty's been a busy lady!

Now, where should I begin...

I took a quick beach holiday to the south with my brother for Midsummer. We didn't really make any plans, just wanted to party like crazy and see what happens. What a surprise, I met a few guys at a club. They were dancing like little maniacs and seemed to have the best night ever.. I kept looking at one of the guys across the dance floor. I smiled at him, he waved at me, bid me to come over. I went over, spoke English, asking him if they were having a bachelor party (because it sure looked that way!).. He answered something weird in a language that I couldn't understand - until I suddenly realized that it was my mother tongue in a weird accent. Hahaha. He took me by the hand and led me outside, to a huge terrace. We sat there for a few minutes, talking, when he started to read my palm. "Oh, I can see that you're about to have the best night ever.. You'll meet the man of your dreams. He's gorgeous, he's wearing a blue dress shirt, he has nice shoes and an expensive watch and he's an excellent kisser." And then he kissed me. We stayed there sitting on the couch on the terrace for two or three hours. I've never met anyone like that.
My brother came out looking for me. He saw what was going on and asked us to come inside and dance with him. The club had done a 180 in a few hours.. There was confetti flying in the air, all sorts of laser beams and glow sticks moving around. It was the best house party I've ever been to. We danced for a few hours (the bar was open 'til 6 a.m.) and then I told my brother goodbye. I left with the guy I just met. I never, ever, do that, but he felt different. He looked exactly like my Mister Yellow, had an accent like him and was just great. He and nine of his friends had rented a huge villa by the river. He took me there, when his friends were still partying at the club. We left early just to be alone for a few hours.
He undressed me in the foyer before he even closed the door. He was really great, for a second there I felt like we weren't having sex, it felt almost like we knew each other, like he had been my boyfriend for ever.. It was hands-down the best sex I had with a new guy.
I was still in my undies when his friends came back from the club. Making a hell of a noise, his roommate (yeah, he didn't have his own room at the villa) came up the stairs and saw us. We escaped his stupid questions, snuck out to the bathroom and finished what we were doing. I suggested that we have sex on the patio "I'll let your friends watch, maybe they'll learn a trick or two" but it was too cold outside at 5 a.m. During the four hours I spent with him, we had awesome sex three times. A moment I'll never forget: we were having sex in the bathroom, he was behind me, pulling my hair... We were in front of this huge mirror. He suddenly stopped what he was doing and said "Look how gorgeous we are. You look absolutely breathtaking when I'm inside you". Freaking unbelievable.

I wasn't about to stay the night there. Well, it was like 7 a.m. when I left the villa to walk back to the hotel. The natives were outside, walking their dogs in the park, when I walked past them with crazy hair, messy make-up and ripped tights. I can't remember what happened.. Something funny, I bet.

Oh, yeah. My brother told me off when I found my way back to our hotel room. He scolded me, said that I did it because he looked exactly like Mister Yellow, spoke like him, touched me like him... Mister Yellow and I hadn't spoken for 1,5 months when this happened. I guess I missed him.