Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Status update

The freak out I had in my last post went on for 24 hours. I was feeling hurt, jealous and unsafe because one of Mister Fire's sweeties was having a crisis. I didn't want to know the details. After all, I thought she was having the same kind of mental breakdown as I did a few months ago. I had a personal crisis when I woke up and found myself utterly in love with him, even though I tried to resist it. The fact that he is polyamorous broke my heart. Most importantly, I consider myself monogamous and would be hurt if I found out that he loves someone like he loves me.

I'll start by saying that I had the most wonderful weekend with Mister Fire. I'm so in love with him that it almost hurts. Friday night he came with me to a party, where he met my parents and my closest friends. He had met a few of my friends, my cousins and my brother already. They've all shown me "thumbs up". The night went quite well. He liked my friends and bonded with my father. My father loves Mister Fire. Daddy called me yesterday. Daddy asked me how long I've been seeing him - for a second there I thought Daddy disliked Mister Fire. Turns out that wasn't the thing at all. Daddy thought Mister Fire was calm and charming. Ah, I know that he's wonderful. That's why I love him.



My love is across the Atlantic Ocean. He left on Sunday morning and will be back in 8 days. He was sitting at the airport, waiting for his flight to leave, when I got this text from him. "I stayed up really late yesterday. I kept thinking about us, my mind was going crazy when I thought about our future. I packed my toothbrush. As I did it, I threw away a few extra brushes from my bathroom... All of them. I want to see no more than two brushes in that cupboard. Yours and mine. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He's going mono. Just for me. He said that going mono wasn't even a tough decision. He felt very strongly about being polyamorous before. Now he just wants to be with me. He thinks I'm special, like I'm his dream come true. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Remember the post when I said I knew exactly how our wedding invitations would look? Now the image is clearer than before. Phew.

I have a boyfriend.

It killed me that he said that as he was leaving. He's been gone for two days and will be away for an additional eight days - how can I go on? We agreed that the next time he's away for that long, I'll go with him. Ten days in Thailand or Miami wouldn't hurt.


The crisis his sweetie was having was because he was leaving her. He wanted to do it smoothly, without hurting her much. Mister Fire is my dream come true, the most perfect guy that I know. I can't believe that I was feeling so insecure that I would want to leave him. I never ever want to leave him.

That's what love feels like.

P.S. I threw out all the extra toothbrushes from my bathroom as well. There were loads, but I don't miss them one bit. Now there's just two. I really like the thought. I'm ecstatic.

Friday, 26 September 2014

The angst of not being poly


I need you to imagine you haven't read a single post by me before.

Picture this: I am a normal, monogamous girl who just happened to fall in love. Tbh it didn't "just happen", it happened even though I tried to resist it and right now I hate it. My lover has told me that he's polyamorous six months back, and I ignored it, because he said he could be in a monogamous relationship if he wanted. Or at least, that's how I remember the conversation. Now that we're in love, we should establish some ground rules. We've been trying to do that for the last two months, but for some reason our conversation always escalates into something else entirely.

I have a close friend who's poly. He once told me that poly-mono-relationships seldom work, because they're frail and need a lot of work. He has tried it on several occasions and failed miserably. The girls he was seeing were almost depressed by the fact that things never worked out. One of them tried to date other people while seeing my friend, but you can't force two people in your heart if you know they don't fit there. I know that for a fact. I've tried having several romantic relationships simultaneously, but for some reason they don't work. There's always one guy who trumps the rest of them.

Today I'm feeling especially hurt, insecure and jealous - feelings that I'm not used to. I've never been jealous in my life (I've never had to), but for some reason I feel unsafe when I'm away from my lover. I'm temporarily studying 100 miles from home, where he lives. I'm meeting him in less than six hours, but right now I feel like I should never see him again.

Nothing special has happened. It's just that I haven't seen him for almost a week and it kills me. The contrast of my feelings is especially harsh now that I'm away from him. When I'm with him, I'm delirious. I feel like I'm high all the time. Love is what I feel. I feel like his body fits mine perfectly, the way he hugs me in the morning, the way his breath is on my neck when I wake up. The way his smiling eyes say "good morning" although he's completely silent. The way he says my name. The way he looks at me yada yada. I could go on for days.
When I'm not with him, I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't sleep, I don't have an appetite, I feel insecure and stupid most of the time. I feel like I have to censor my messages to him, because I don't want to put any pressure on him - I don't usually say that I miss him although I miss him a lot, I seldom initiate any conversations. I don't want to know what he's up to when I'm not with him. It would break my heart to know that he's with someone else, being in love with her like he's in love with me.

I know he puts a huge amount of effort on making me feel safe and loved. Some days it feels almost unbelievable, the way he drowns me in love. Now that I'm away from him he does it by texts, he calls me at night, telling me that he just needed to hear my voice. Why does it feel so unreal? The way I see it it feels like he has to pretend to be in love with me. Is he even?

Why do I question his feelings for me? Because I still can't believe the fact that he's poly. It would be awesome to be "cool" with the fact that he's loving several people simultaneously, but I just can't. I simply can't.

For those of you who have no clue of what I've just angsted about, this is how it goes.

Monogamous people seek intimate romantic relationships. When they find one, the drive to find new romantic relationships disappear and the person is content in settling with his or her partner. 
Polyamorous, however, are different. They have a strong drive to find new romantic relationships, but when they do, the drive isn't switched off. A poly has still the urge to find intimate romantic relationships.

Put simply: Monogamous people can live happily sharing their life with just one people. Polyamorous can not.

Being poly is not a choice. The fact that I want to be a poly because of him and simply can't is breaking my heart.

This whole rush of emotion was triggered by a message from him yesterday. I was sending him a good night text. He told me that he can't sleep because he's so excited. I asked what was up, anything nice he wants to share with me? He said that there was so much going on, a "sweetie" having a crisis, "yada yada". My imagination went wild, I imagined him having the same discussions we had a few months back with a new girl. I pictured her being mono, him being in love with her, her wanting to leave and him not letting her go. It broke my heart. I told him that I could easily step down, if he wanted to continue fixing things with his sweetie, we didn't have to meet and all that shit. I was actually hoping that he'd say that we shouldn't see again. He told me that he can't wait to see me tomorrow, that he loves me and "tomorrow will be here soon <3 <3 <3 good night my love". Ugh. Cheesy. I didn't send anything back.

I saw Mister Navy was online, and I chatted with him for more than two hours. I had so much fun talking with him, he made me happy in that particular moment. We talked about our relationship, about how he likes the fact that I never put any pressure on him, how he's ditched all the other girls he's seeing right now, how he would want to play vanilla with me for a while, how we should totally have a movie night together and sleep in a spoon... panic mode: on. I went to bed shaking. Mister Navy was supposed to be my domi-rock. Ahh. I hate the fact that he's turning vanilla on me.

Can you see the paradox here? I'm seeing loads of guys simultaneously. In fact, I've had three dates so far this week (and it's Friday today, two more to come) and I'm still in love with him. I'd love to be poly, or better yet, I'd be delirious if he was mono, but things just don't go that way. Can I truly call myself monogamous, when you look back on my blog? Mister Navy calls that "single life", so do I. I know I've been monogamous, no question about that, but the last six months has changed me drastically.

All my guys have a different purpose in my life. Mister Fire is my love, my vanilla-tasting sweetheart. Mister Navy was my domi, my chocolate and liquorice lover. I'm not sure what he is anymore, now that he's sliding into being vanilla. Mister Blonde is my male best friend, I wouldn't survive a week without sleeping in his arms. I guess I love him, but in a different way than I love Mister Fire. Then there's this one guy.. The man I thought to be the father of my future children. He's in love with me. He's the best guy I know. He's smart, solid, funny, handsome - the whole package. But he's super-SUPER-vanilla and it kills me. I don't want to force any tricks on him. "Pull my hair, would you?" was way too much on him, so I tried to dump him but failed.

Am I poly, or am I just enjoying my single life?
Why do I have to surface these emotions before going to school? Ah I hate this.

I've been crying for over an hour now. I woke up in the middle of the night, having the worst nightmares. This is the fourth night in a row.

I think I need to break up with Mister Fire.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

"You're the mistake I'm willing to make"


Mister Blonde kissed me.

It happened sort of by mistake, I guess.
Though, can you kiss someone by mistake? He didn't run into my lips face-first.

I had just spent the last three days (and nights) with him. We were at his place, getting ready for bed. I was already under the covers, wearing nothing but an over-sized t-shirt that I got from him the previous night. He crawled into bed with me, took me in his arms and caressed my thighs. He said that he really loves a girl who squats. He put his hand behind my neck and pulled my face close to his, our noses almost touching. His warm breath was on my face. I just couldn't pull away from him... So when he kissed me, I kissed him back. Four minutes later I was on top of him, he was undressing me and I stopped. Not because I wanted to, but because he looked weird. His face almost shouted out the fact that we were doing something wrong. And he was right.

I lay down beside him. My head had just done a 180 - wasn't I supposed to be in love with Mister Fire? If so, what the hell was I doing? We had to discuss this and I knew it. I took the initiative and asked him what in the world just happened. I had totally friend-zoned him and he influenced me like that, although he of all people shouldn't have.

He told me he was into me. No surprises there. He told me that he had tried being friends with me, but apparently I'm such a flirty persona that it's simply impossible. He had wanted to kiss me for three days. He told me I was driving him crazy: the smell of my hair on his pillow, my skin, my laugh, my body... I guess that's a plausible explanation. We decided that we weren't going to have sex before we knew what was going to happen. Mister Blonde is truly not a fan of a sexual relationship, he wants me to be something more or nothing at all. That's a tough one.

He asked me to stop telling him about all the guys I'm seeing at the moment. Including Mister Fire. He hopes I'm not seeing Mister Fire anymore. Weeeeeeell.. I'm meeting him tomorrow, he'll be staying with me for three days. Whoopsie.
He doesn't want to know about my blog anymore. He wants to be close to me. Apparently he wishes that we'll be involved in some sort of serious relationship, although he wasn't sure if he wanted that. I told him I was very happy being single. There are days when I dislike being a single girl but they come very seldom nowadays.

He wants to be my boyfriend.

Now I'm freaking out.

... And I'm still in love with Mister Fire.

Monday, 15 September 2014

A night with my brother and Mister Gold



Mister Gold and I had been out on a few dates during the Summer. He was really nice to me. Nothing special happened. We didn't sleep together, so I can't make any comments on his performance.

I had made plans to hang out with my brother and the girl he was dating at the moment. I told Mister Gold that my brother and I have a special relationship. We're really close and are extremely frank about each other's potential spouses. We have a right to veto. Mister Gold didn't seem that freaked out, I guess he wanted to meet the person who has such a special place in my heart.

We met on a Friday night. I had just had dinner with my brother and his "girl" and went for drinks afterwards. Mister Gold had been out with a few friends and met up with us later. He was really nice to me, but seemed sort of anxious and really stressed out - I wasn't sure what was going on... Until I realized that he did all he could to impress my brother. The way he was flaunting his stuff pissed me off, I just couldn't believe the things I was hearing. It felt like he had to tell my brother everything about his stupid boats, his ridiculously expensive hobbies and travels and whatnots. Side note: my brother is extremely wealthy, so Mister Gold's attempt in throwing his money around didn't really go as planned. The evening went so-so. Mister Gold was more interested in talking with my brother than being around me and it annoyed the hell out of me.

We shared a taxi. My brother and I went home and left Mister Gold on the way. By the time we got home it was around 5 a.m. I felt exhausted. I could have easily lived a happy life without ever having to experience that.

Afterwards my brother told me that Mister Gold had talked about me on every possible occasion. A lot. He asked my brother if I was seeing someone else, because I felt "weird and distant". He also said that he liked me a lot, but I never answered his feelings. I never witnessed these conversations, I guess they had them when I was out of hearing range.

His thoughts could be accurate. I didn't answer any of his feelings because I didn't feel that way.

I had made plans to meet Mister Gold later that week, but I sent him a text saying I will never see him again. He answered me with a "Ok then.". What the hell is that? First you tell my brother how much you like me and want to spend the rest of your life with me, and the next day you're fine with never seeing me again. Puh-lease.

But please, Mister whatsyourcolour. Don't go talking personal stuff to my brother. He's not that into hearing how much "you've fallen for me", he probably knows it already. Men tend to fall for me and my brother is used to seeing and hearing all kinds of stuff when it comes to his baby sister.

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Meeting Mister Navy


I found myself a true bad boy. He's 34. He is extremely handsome: 6ft5in (192 cm) tall, he has dark hair and ofc a beard (I don't do guys without beards anymore), he's a semi-pro athlete and has tattoos all over his body. I met him on Tinder.

I met him on Wednesday. I had just finished a super sweaty workout at a gym a few blocks away from his home. For some reason I managed to forget to bring a change of clothes with me, so I went on a first date wearing leopard print running tights, a sweaty tank top and sneakers. No make up, my hair was on a braid and I didn't even shower before seeing him. Guess what? He absolutely loved me.

Our first date was really nice. He took me to a Thai restaurant. We sat there for two hours. There was something about him that almost annoyed me, I guess it was the way he talked. I almost felt like he had to impress me - oh, have I seen that quality before.. Major turn-off.

Well, as soon as we left the restaurant something changed. He asked me a private question and I answered him as truthfully as I could. I guess he liked the answer, because 45 minutes later we were leaning against a wall, kissing, he was pulling my hair and whispering in my ear. I left him standing there, saying that I wouldn't have sex with him tonight, but surely some day soon. It took him 12 hours to ask me out again and I said yes.

The thing about him that turns me on is that he's really powerful. He's taller than I am and has really powerful hands. I noticed that, because he grabbed my wrists and told me he'd tie me down any time. He shared his fantasies with me, told me in detail what he'd do to me if I came home with him right now and enjoyed the look on my face when I was turned on by him. I could easily use him as a fuck buddy, but I wouldn't date him. I actually told him that, and he said it was ok. "I'm not looking for a girl to play home with. I'm looking for a personal nympho." Fine by me!

Ladies, you should see this one. He just sent me a picture of himself after working out, his perfect body all sweaty - just the way I like it. Yummy.

Tuesday, 9 September 2014

I see fire.

Mister Fire invited me to see him play at a club a few weeks back. I said yes, of course, although I got off work really late and had to rush. He's invited me to come watch him tens of times, but I've never managed to get my bottom to the club. I was wearing black jeans, a worn leather jacket, a white over-sized tee and bright red lipstick. My long blonde hair was wavy and messy. I looked pretty good.

I was in the front row. He was playing guitar and singing a ballad. He kept looking straight into my eyes, right into my soul for the whole length of the song. The four minutes felt like an hour - in a good way. For a second there it felt like we were the only people there, he was singing to me and no one else.

The gig was over, he packed away his stuff and sat next to me at the bar. He nibbled at my ear and said "I want you. Let's go home." Before I knew it I had my jacket on and pulled him out the door. He put his hand firmly on the back of my neck and pulled me into a passionate kiss as soon as we got outside. A few seconds later he had my lipstick all around his face. "I'm not a true rock artist unless I can mess up a groupie's lipstick." He kissed my neck, I purred and almost ran to the car, dragging him behind.

The ride home was crazy. I had to focus fully on controlling myself. I just wanted to pull the car over, get undressed and love him like it was our last day on earth. And I did, as soon as we got home. He kept smiling through it all, he never looked away from my eyes. I can still feel his lips on my skin, the burning sensation of his fingertips on my clavicles... His strong arms pulling me closer to him. There was this moment when he was on top of me when he suddenly stopped, took a good look at me and said "Don't freak out. I love you." I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout out that I love him too, but nothing came out of my mouth. I just smiled and told him to kiss me like he's never kissed me before.

The next morning he sat in my living room, playing guitar and singing to me while I was making coffee in the kitchen. I can't remember the exact song he played, but it went something like "You are my ecstasy/my real life fantasy/my dream come true" [something something I have forgot]. For some reason my knees felt really weak, I couldn't hold on to the kettle any longer. I'm so happy he didn't see me at the moment - he would've thought I was freaking out. It was just the opposite. He has swept me off my feet, literally.


I gave him a ride home on my way to work. The moment he closed the door behind him I felt empty - why do I have to be without him? A few minutes later he sent me a text saying "I miss you already. When can I see you again??" 
Anytime, baby. I'm (almost) all yours.

Thursday, 4 September 2014

An open letter to Mister Blonde

Dear Mister Blonde,

You confuse me.

I thought we were supposed to be friends. I opened my heart to you and told you about my relationship with Mister Fire. I was all broken up about him being a poly. You said that it was okay, I'd find someone who'd do anything to marry me. I cried, you lent me your shoulder. You stroke my hair and made me feel loved. You asked me what I really wanted from life and I told you. 

I thought I could trust you. I told you my biggest secrets and you listened to me.

I had the best time with you yesterday. I really enjoyed your cooking, your funny stories, watching a movie together and talking with you. I am a bit tired though, since you kept me up chatting until 2 a.m. But it was totally worth it.

What you said on Monday wasn't that strange, even though I reacted a bit strangely. You told me that I shouldn't go looking that far for the perfect boyfriend - maybe he's somewhere closer than I believe. I made a somewhat funny joke about my guys being hockey players, firefighters and all kinds of lawyers and doctors, but there's always something wrong with them. You laughed at me when I said that hockey players are seldom smart, and smart guys are seldom athletic. You made me realize that you are the whole package and that you're fun to be around. I think you're a bit weird occasionally, but in a good way. You make me smile and I like it.


Now, what happened yesterday was ok. I had fun talking to you, although you asked me about Mister Fire on several occasions. You seemed sort of worried about me, you asked me if my heart was broken because of the guy. It was kind of sweet, thanks for caring. Why did we discuss weddings and relationships that much yesterday? You told me that you could easily picture me walking down the aisle in a beautiful white dress. Why would you do that?

Day dreaming about our trip to Vietnam was really nice too. I told you about my traveling dreams and you were mentally boarding the plane with me - although you didn't like my idea of riding a bike on the great wall of China. You said you'd take pictures of me biking around, wind in my hair, laughing... I'd like that.

I got a bit scared when you said that you haven't been able to talk to a girl the way you talk to me. I know you appreciate me and my wits, although you never say it aloud.

I get the fact that you wanted to sleep really close to me, but you could have gotten me a blanket of my own. You told me that you lent the spare blanket to your roommate and would get it back "someday". I thought it was okay, you and me are really close anyway. You've seen me naked loads of times, I'm sure you can handle me in my My Little Pony pj's under the covers. 
The way you had your arms around me in the morning made me want to hit snooze. And I did, for 45 minutes. I really loved the way you stroke my hair during the night. I was awake although I pretended to sleep. I fell asleep in your arms easily because I felt safe there. 

Thing is, I love being close to you. I find it amusing that you like me a lot, that you're flirty and tease me about my stupid manners. You're not the perfect gentleman... In fact, I can't recall that you've ever commented on my appearance. When I got a facial, you just said "your aesthetitian did a good job!". Gee, thanks? :D

But still, there's something missing. I know you want to spend time with me and I like it - as I said, I love spending time with you. 
But you know what? I'm in love with Mister Fire and I can't change that.

I hope you can forgive me and still be my friend.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Awesome first dates


#1

My first date with Mister Fire was perfect. I met him on Tinder, we had been chatting for almost two months before actually meeting. Why did it take so long? That's entirely my fault. He was so intensive, we talked a lot all the time. We made a few long phone calls and I noticed that he's way too dreamy for me. His perfect messages and stories freaked me out, so I made up all sorts of excuses not to meet him. In the end he sort of coached me into going out with him. He told me that he'd never met anyone like me and he won't let me go without at least seeing me first. There was a chance that it wouldn't work out, you know? We're both extremely picky. He said that a big part of his "falling for someone" is in her facial expressions, the way she smells, the way she moves and is around him. I just knew he would sweep me off my feet and I hated it. I felt unsure of myself and my body. I've never been on a date with anyone quite like that and I felt overwhelmed.

We met at the central railway station. He had his guitar with him. He looked really nice in his shorts and button-down shirt. I had packed my bag with picnic stuff, I brought a blanket and all sorts of delicious food. We walked to a huge park just south of the city center. It took us almost an hour to get there, because we stopped to talk a few times. And we got lost a few times as well, haha. But yeah, our first date was during the heat wave. We were both a bit sweaty when we found the perfect spot for our little picnic. As soon as we sat down he took off his shirt and I just sat there staring at him. I almost disliked him for that. What a show-off, that's not working on me, I thought. After a few minutes I forgot the fact that he was shirtless and could relax.
We laid there on the grass eating and drinking all kinds of delicious things. I was sunbathing in my skin-tight jeans and almost see-through top. He told me that he was really tired. He had worked a lot that week and he had been to a friend's birthday party the night before. I knew he would be tired, so I planned ahead. I brought a book. I laid there reading while he took a nap. 
What a weird first date, you say? I think it was just perfect. We were both so relaxed in each other's company that we could doze off and it was perfectly fine. He slept for ten minutes and when he woke up, he looked right into my eyes and kissed me. It felt like he'd been in my life forever, like he had kissed me a thousand times before. Very passionate.
Sparks were flying, fireworks, yada yada. I guess it was just a few steps from actually having sex in the park. Thank goodness there were people having picnics around us, so clothes stayed on. 
I was supposed to spend the night with my brother, so I had to leave. Our tram ride to the city was crazy. He leaned on me, had his hands on my back and butt and pulled me close to him. We said our goodbyes by the bus station. His kisses burned me, I couldn't get over the fact that he was there, acting like I'm the only girl in the world.

He didn't play his guitar. He said he was supposed to play me a ballad and charm me with his music but he couldn't keep his hands off me for the length of a song. No complaints here. I was actually a bit afraid that I'd hate his music, I was happy to experience the possible hatred a bit later. :D

Afterwards he said that our date was by far the best first date he'd been on. I fed him strawberries in the park. We totally hit it off. Our date felt at least four days too short. I just had to see him again. Soon.

And I did.

"Kiss me like you want to be loved."


#2

My almost-boyfriend makes my top three list easily. Maybe that is because our date wasn't meant to be a date.
He was my climbing instructor. I knew him through a friend and booked an hour with him in June. I had this awful fear of heights that I wanted to get rid of. After 45 minutes of climbing with him I knew he was different, we sort of clicked. I had to trust him with my life, that works really well on a "first date". We had loads of fun. I was all sweaty, my hands were shaking and I was leaning against the wall. He put his hands on my climbing harness, pulled me closer to him and kissed me.

You know the feeling when you feel really small? That's how I felt right before our first kiss. It felt like he lifted me up. He made me stronger and weaker simultaneously.

He asked me out for sushi and I said yes. Our date went on for 15 additional hours. Whoopsie.



#3

Mister Yellow.

There's a man I'm still not fully over. I spoke with him on the phone an hour ago (shop talk, I'm afraid) and can't stop thinking of him... Ah, he kills me softly.

Our first real date was freaking perfect.
I let him be in charge, as I always did. He picked me up on a Saturday morning. I had no idea where we were going. All I knew was that I was to wear a LBD and heels. We went to a little city 50 miles from my home. The city is known for its tiny boutiques and cafés, beautiful old houses and all sorts of cultural activities. We had lunch at a beautiful 18th century restaurant, which was open ONLY for us, went to a cello concert, went to a tiny chocolate factory to make our own chocolates, drank coffee in a closed coffee shop and had the perfect day. He opened doors for me and made me feel really special in every way. We had to leave the city early because I didn't get a doggie-sitter. We went home to walk my baby dog. We were supposed to leave for the movies, but I guess things escalated quite quickly and suddenly I realized I was unzipping his dress pants. We stayed in bed for 20 hours, got up only to answer the door for the pizza delivery guy.

Our first date ended at the local WWII museum. It was really quite strange that we went there... I had no idea he was a history buff and he didn't know that my family had just made a donation to the museum. The idea sort of sprung from a strange pillow talk subject about weird fantasies, but I won't tell you about it.

His wavy hair, green eyes, sly smile and perfect laugh makes me miss him even more.
I guess he's the one that got away.

"This feels like falling in love."

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Tuesday love

Tuesday night.
Mister Fire invited me to spend the night at his place.
He had the day off, so I left work early. 
He answered the door in his underwear. He pulled me close and kissed me. I forgot to breathe for a second. "I missed you", he said.

Yada yada yada, my phone rang and I had to work for an hour or so. As I answered a few emails Mister Fire just sat there in front of me, staring at me. I couldn't stop smiling.

We cooked together. I was chopping veggies, he kept touching me all over. I put down the knife and dragged him to the bedroom where we stayed for over an hour. I sort of forgot that I was starving! Afterwards we took a long shower together as we always do. I couldn't stop giggling when he washed me.


We had dinner three hours after my arrival. He lit candles, put on soft jazz and just sat there, looking gorgeous. It felt like a dream.

Mister Fire and I don't do "normal" stuff together. We've never watched tv or even a movie. Tuesday night he gave me a massage. He knows my body better than Mister Black or Mister Grey, although we've spent such a short time together. Things escalate quite quickly when we're together... We ended up having sex on his living room floor. My knees are killing me right now, because his carpet burned the skin right off them. I didn't even notice, I was too busy feeling loved.

We had the most amazing night ever. I actually thought that my friends wouldn't believe me when I tell them about him. 

My favourite quotes from Tuesday night:
"You're not 'just good enough'. You're my dream and I want you." 
"You're not just a match, you're a catch. Good night, sweetie."
"You're like fireworks and ecstasy all rolled into one. I can't get enough of you."


Why do I feel this sad?
Oh yeah, because he's a poly and it breaks my heart.

Monday, 25 August 2014

Happiness is...

... Hearing steaming hot bedtime stories that usually come true a few days later. "[...] you're the prettiest princess I've ever seen. I'm your fool, here just to please you." 
(I seriously need to write them down some day. Sexy novels, coming up!)

... Letting him do whatever he wants with me. I feel totally surrendered and naked in his eyes. He looks at me like we've been together in a previous life and kisses me all over. His big, warm hands on my body are all I need. He's happy when I'm happy, he feels pleasure when he pleasures me. I have never ever felt anything like this before, and this is just the beginning. I feel like I haven't done anything yet, because he won't let me be in charge. Oh I'll tie him up one day.

... Dancing naked in my living room in the middle of the night.

... Feeling his breath on my neck as I hug him.

... "Tell me about your sex dreams. No words, show me."

... Planning a photo shoot together. Hearing him say that he wants pictures of us right now because he wants to remember us this way forever.


... Watching him play his music on my piano, all nude of course. I promise, I'll take a picture of that later on. Damn, it's hot.

... waking up in the middle of the night. There's a ridiculously hot guy sleeping beside me, holding me tighter and kissing my hair when I'm moving around.

... Feeling high all the time. I've never done any drugs (and never will), but I can imagine the feeling. We were chatting yesterday, making plans for the week, I suddenly felt a little dizzy. I noticed that I'd held my breath, listening to him and his stupid jokes.

... Having breakfast in my kitchen on a Sunday morning. I'm making pancakes, he just sits there, smiling at me. He looks at me like he's always been in love with me. I walk past him, his hand runs down the small of my back and pulls me close to him. He kisses me and I am speechless. He can't keep his hands off me and I love it.

... realizing that I can never be with anyone else and not freaking out.



If this thing doesn't work out, that's OK. I'll just keep blogging. I'll install Tinder and maybe I'll find a substitute for him. Maybe someone else is good enough. Maybe.

I should never have fallen for this guy anyway.

Now I just need to dump all the other guys. I need an assistant for that, any cute ladies up for the job?

Sunday, 24 August 2014

"I'm not in love"

Fuck butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I'm with him.

I was talking with a cute little friend of mine today. I heard myself say "I'm not in love". Who am I kidding? It felt almost like a lie.

I feel like I've been hit in the head with an anvil. 

My weekend was absolutely beautiful. I had a lovely night at home with my Mister Blonde. I'm slowly beginning to realize that we're just friends, although he kids around about us having sex last March. I cooked for him, we drank wine and watched a movie. He stayed over, slept in my bed. His body touched mine from shoulders to toes but I felt nothing. I didn't have any feelings for him whatsoever. I sincerely hope he feels the same way about me so that we can be friends in the future. I'd really love to travel with him. Imagine this: Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Imagine him on a motorcycle, me riding in the back holding onto him. Fingers crossed.
Worst-case scenario is that he's into me and the whole trip will be ruined. I'll delete him from my Facebook friends list (again) and we'll never talk again. 
Let's not do that.

I gave Mister Blonde a ride home on Saturday morning. I had made plans with Mister Fire (mmmmmhmhmmhm yummy! [insert sigh sounds here]). I was supposed to meet him at his place and go for a little acro yoga session in the park, just the two of us, and a steamy shower afterwards. It was raining cats and dogs, so no trips to the park. In stead of working out he played me some of his musicI was speechless, I felt like an idiot. All I could say was "yeah, I like this. I would listen to this. You're talented" and smile and look at him. His blue-green eyes are mesmerizing, they're just so addictive.. And so is his music. I feel proud of him for some silly reason.

As soon as he stopped playing, I undressed him. His button-down shirt felt like a obstacle course, it took me ages to get it off him. But when I did, it was absolutely worth the 10-second wait. As I've said earlier, sex with him is freaking awesome. Hands down, best I've ever had. The thing is, he keeps looking straight into my eyes with those blue-green eyes of his, never looking away. He keeps smiling, he even laughs sweetly every now and then, he tells me how much he's into me and how pretty I look on top of him. He knows how to move that amazing body of his. Now, after a few more "runs" he knows exactly what I'm into, he can read my expressions perfectly and does his magic. Click, click, boom! - my brains on the wall.

Four words I can't get enough of:
"Gimme more." 
"You're amazing."

So... During the last 23 hours we had sex seven times. He even woke me up in the middle of the night. Best. Sex. Ever. I've never felt such passion with anyone. Just feeling his breath on my neck made me crazy about him. His broad shoulders, muscular arms and back, the way he looks at me when he's happy... Ecstatic. Afterwards I asked him what the hell just happened. He laughed, kissed me and said "you just had the best sex dream ever." He took me in his arms, kissed my hair. I fell asleep instantly. 

In some way I feel like he's seen straight into my soul.
I'm not shy anymore.


You'd think our relationship is merely physical. Well, it's not. Though, today he was experiencing serious self control issues when I was driving and he wanted to touch me, but not kill the both of us. I pulled the car over and kissed him, almost undressed him if not for that freaking button-down shirt of his... Until he stopped me and said that we had to hurry, I was late for a meeting with my friend. Damn friends.

Wait, what was I saying? Yeah, he and I talk a lot. About everything. We share our secrets and our dreams, we can easily spend several hours on the phone on a regular Thursday evening. 
He told me yesterday, during sex, that being with me feels like being weightless, the feeling you have in your stomach when riding a roller coaster. I'm the bump that makes his body take flight.

He just sent me a text saying "Gimme more. :-*"

How can I ever be with anyone else?

Love,
Kitty
a.k.a. Bump-Bunny
a.k.a. Hump-Honey

P.S. The pictures for our wedding invitations will be shot this fall. Just kidding, he's arranging a photo shoot with the two of us. I have a slight idea of what he's planning. Something acrobatic and extremely sexy. My hypermobile hips and his muscular body go quite well together. ;)

Friday, 22 August 2014

This girl is on fire!


Mister Fire and I have been seeing each other a lot. We started doing acro yoga a week ago. My wrists hurt from all the handstands and my face hurts from all the smiling. Mister Fire is really strong, he lifts me easily. Acro yoga with him is just perfect, I feel like I'm flying when I'm in his arms. Apres-yoga showers together make my heart beat out of my chest.

I had a quick freak out session on Wednesday. I suddenly realized that I really want to be a part of his life. I want him to ditch all the other chicks and just be with me. I sent him a message saying that I don't want to meet him anymore.
"You know the feeling when you know you'll break your heart, but you still want to know how it feels? I'm experiencing that emotion right now and I hate it. We had a good run, I just need to get my shit together and delete you from my life. I like you a lot and I hate the fact that we'll never have a future together. You're a poly, I'm not. I feel I'm latching on to you and I need to escape. Just let me go." I made him freak out as well. He told me that he has no problem fitting me in his busy little life, but he's unsure of "the things we'll share in the future because we don't know each other yet". He didn't really appreciate the fact that I was willing to let him go so easily. I had a really bad day, I was moody as hell. He told me I should never bring that shit up on WhatsApp again.

Yesterday he sent me a tape of him singing... I had to catch my breath for an hour after seeing the tape. He was at work, he was wearing his FD tee and shorts; he just stood there, barefoot, in front of his phone, singing to me. I did tell you he's a part-time fitness model and a musician, right? A terrible combination, if you ask me.

If he'd ask, I'd definitely be his girlfriend for life. In a non-poly way, thank you very much. I actually caught myself planning our wedding invitations. Hahaha I'm such an idiot. I even deleted Tinder from my iPhone because he asked me to.

Can you change a person?
I guess not. And I don't want to change him either. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask, therefore I'd never do it. I'm not supposed to discuss relationship stuff on WhatsApp or over the phone, but how can I break up with him if I have to see him and he charms me again..?

Confusion and anxiety doesn't even begin to describe my feelings right now.

We'll see what tomorrow's acro yoga practice brings...



I always fall for the wrong guy.

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Confusion, part II.

There are days when I dislike my little life.

Tuesday wasn't one of them. I met Mister Blonde

Mister Blonde has been teasing me all week. I have absolutely no clue what to think of the whole business. He sends me several texts every day, asking me how I'm doing, what my plans for the evening are, etc. 
Getting together yesterday was his idea. He wanted to do something with me, yet he never suggested any specific activities.

So... I picked him up after work. We cooked thai food (yummy!) and spent the night together at my place. We played silly little games and talked for seven hours. He didn't touch me. Not once.

We agreed earlier that he could stay over, because it would take him half an hour to get home. He doesn't have a car, you see. I told him that he could sleep in my spare room, now that I got a bed there.

I got really sleepy around 11 p.m. I brushed my teeth and mumbled something like "do you want to sleep next to me?" and he said yes. We went to my bedroom, chatting about our future (well, not our future - I mean, our separate futures), dreams and trips.. He got undressed, I couldn't look away. His whole upper body had this beautiful tan that looked amazing in my bedroom. I got undressed, he never took his eyes away from me and my body. He smiled a bit.

I dived under the covers, he followed me. He came really close. His face was just a few inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my cheek. He looked at me just the way he used to... It freaked me out, so I turned off the lights. We kept talking for two more hours.

His hand brushed mine, but I drew my hand away. He didn't touch me again. He didn't even try to kiss me. I fell asleep without saying "good night".

We woke up at 5 a.m. He was already wide awake, he wouldn't stop smiling at me when I opened my eyes.

Fuck. Did I talk in my sleep again?

He said that he was just genuinely happy to wake up next to me.
No comebacks.

Freaking out. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him? 

Is he going to be my friend, or does he want something entirely different? Why is he showing so much interest in what I do every day, but he didn't even try to touch me? Why has he sent me four texts in the last ten minutes, although I haven't had the time to answer the first one? Why is he interested in knowing what kinds of guys I date at the moment? Why is he interested in my brother and what sorts of men he would "approve" to be my boyfriend?

But most of all. Why didn't he touch me?!?

I'm used to guys being really physical around me. I'm used to being touched. Now that I'm not being touched by one my mind is doing cartwheels. 

Oh yeah, I never showed you what he looks like. 
This is quite close, but imagine him with lighter hair and broader shoulders.

Now we're planning a trip together for Christmas. I'm thinking Vietnam, three weeks in the sun. Yeah, I could live with that.

But I still have no idea if I'm planning a trip to Vietnam with a friend or a potential boyfriend.
Freaking out.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

I smell smoke.


There's this new guy.

He's a fireman, therefore I'll name him Mister Fire. He's also a part-time fitness model and will probably be reading this blog on some occasion. Wanna know why? Because I tell him everything and it freaks me out.

The thing is, he confuses me. I'm shy when I'm with him, I can't find any words and I'm just not myself at all. I'm having serious trouble looking him in the eye and he takes advantage of that. He plays me like a fiddle.

He's absolutely gorgeous. Easily one of the hottest so far.

And he's addicted to me.

I don't find myself particularly special. I'm not particularly fit, not that pretty either - witty, maybe. I asked him this morning what he sees in me. 

He answered:
"You really want to know what I think? This is what your Tinder profile should say:
'An exceptionally smart, funny, sexy and witty girl, whose smile can light up a whole city. Interesting, yet easy to be around. Looking for a tall guy to follow - not for wussies.' Like it?"
- Yeah.

Now, why am I confused again? 
Oh yeah, because he's a poly. He's in several relationships simultaneously.

I asked him yesterday about his "girls" - apparently there are two that he really cares for, three potential ones, a few playmates and a few fuck buddies. 

I fell silent.

That sounds really bad, doesn't it? I asked him what he needs me for, when he's got that many chicks throwing themselves at him. He told me something, but I guess I was just too upset to remember what it was. I find myself single although I'm seeing quite a few guys at the moment. I just don't know what to think of that. My first reaction was to run, really fast, because I think I'll get hurt really soon. I went to bed angry.

But you know, I don't want to leave him. Sex with him is ah-freaking-mazing. He's the best so far. No surprises there, he's had quite a few trial runs with other chicks... Talking to him is great. We can spend four hours on the phone just chatting away about something ridiculous or dead serious. I know everything about his fucked-up family and he knows everything about mine.


He's afraid to meet my brother on Saturday.
He should be afraid.

Best thing you never had

Remember Mister Blonde?
He was my favourite hockey player. Hands down, the best ass I've ever seen. We stopped seeing each other because Mister Blonde hadn't gotten over his semi-girlfriend. I deleted him from my Tinder contacts, unfriended him on Facebook and didn't text him back. I stopped reading his blog and to be honest, I forgot about him altogether.

If I didn't have Mister Yellow, I know I would have been really heartbroken about not seeing Mister Blonde anymore. I guess I just had the perfect distraction.


Four months of radio silence.
Until last Thursday, that is.

Mister Blonde texted me, asked me how I've been, how I've spent my summer and yada yada. I gawked at my phone. Why did he message me? It was he who wanted to stop seeing me, I just had to go along with it. I asked him why he texted me. He didn't give me a reason, he just told me that he liked talking with me and missed my silly anecdotes. He's doing really well in his life. He just started his own company and it's going just like he planned. I'm really happy to hear that.

Thing is, I'm not sure what to think of the whole thing. I told Mister Blonde that I don't want to be friends with him - I don't have sex with my friends (or become friends with people I've had sex with, thank you very much). He said that he didn't have an ulterior motive, he just wanted to talk with me and see how it feels. He hasn't suggested that we meet. I guess he just wants someone to talk to.

Today he asked me if I consider him short. He's 6ft1in (182 cm) tall, which is almost okay. I really like much taller guys, just like the ones I'm seeing at the moment (updates coming up!). But yeah, I told him that all the guys that I date are taller than 6ft2in (185cm), although being tall is nothing compared to being smart and funny. I have to admit, Mister Blonde is one of the sexiest guys I've ever dated. He's funny, he's exceptionally smart and he's good-looking. I loved the way he used to touch me, tease me, until I begged for him to get undressed.

He told me I'm the one that got away. He remembers every conversation we had. He's genuinely interested in me, my work and my life. Feels really weird.

Now I'm thinking about him....


Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Boys of Summer


Ok guys, I know you're dying to hear about the men I'm dating at the moment. Here's a quick recap of what's going on:

Mister White is a gorgeous and funny guy. I met him a few weeks ago when I visited my brother. They actually live a block away from each other.
It was extremely nice to spend an evening with him. We tried to watch a movie, but kept talking and kissing and and and and... Well, I just know that the movie featured Robert Downey Jr, I have no idea what else was going on. Haha.
I stayed the night, even though I could just have walked a few yards to be "home". I told him that I wasn't going to sleep with him, because I know he wouldn't call me after... I was "home" at 7 a.m., when Mister White had to leave for work.
He thinks I'm high-maintenance and maybe a bit difficult, but he loves spending time with me. Or at least that's what he told me. Well, of course I seem high-maintenance compared to all the easy chicks he usually hangs out with. I'll be his challenge.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot... He's not a hockey player. He plays basketball. And he's like 6ft5in tall. I can live with that.

Mister Vanilla and I work together, so it would never have worked out between us. We never went out for a real date, because there's always something in the way... We did share a few cups of coffee together though. I still like him a lot. We talk almost every day. Right now he's on the other side of the globe and I kind of miss him. That's my little secret, don't tell him about that. ;)

Mister Shade is my Swedish lover. I met him in June when I visited my relatives in Sweden. He's gorgeous, he looks like Alexander Skarsgård and is just yummy in every single way. He could be a little taller, though. ;) Just kidding, he's perfect. I've met him twice, and now I'm planning a new trip to Sweden in September. One weekend a month is pure perfection. I'll share details about our encounters in a few weeks.
Mmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Swedish guys are hot.
There are three more guys that I really don't want to talk about yet. One of them could become the future father of my children. I met him in another city, a hundred miles from my home. It was during the worst thunderstorm I've ever seen, the streets were flooded with water. We stayed huddled under a bus stop waiting for the rain to pass. He asked me out. Our first date lasted 72 hours. I'm meeting him later today... I think I've developed sort of a crush on him. Let's just say that if something serious happens, you'll know about it.
The two other guys are just for fun, I guess. One is madly in love with me, wants to spend every waking hour with me - the other just wants to talk about our favourite TV show and fuck me. I actually like the latter one.

..And a little something about the guys I've let go:

Mister Ink was fabulous. I absolutely loved to be around him. His hands were all over my body all the time, he taught me stuff and made me smile when I felt sad. The reason it all ended was because he booty called me. He asked me for "lunch" at his place, and when we I there, he didn't have anything ready. He hadn't shopped for any food either. Ahh, I was so frustrated... I actually thought that it would have been nice to spend a few hours together before returning to work, but turns out he just wanted to fuck me. I've got guys that actually care about me, thank you very much.

Mister Yellow and I work together nowadays. Yeah, who would have thought? It feels weird. REALLY weird. I still want him and it hurts. I have to meet him next week with a few other guys and I'm wondering what our business meeting will look like. I'll have to bring a napkin, just to stop me from drooling all over the table.

There was a time in June when I almost fell in love. I was dating this guy for two weeks. He took me climbing - in fact, he was my private teacher.. After our class he asked me out for sushi and I said yes. Sparks flew, it felt magical. Until he met my brother. My brother just hated him. Long story short: my brother told me to dump the douche and I did. Phew. That was close.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Summer of 2014, happiest time ever.


My story of the summer is a really colourful one.

During the last two months I've been on more than 40 dates. Some really sucky, but luckily most of them have been really lovely. I almost fell in love (thanks for ruining it, bro!), partied like crazy in the south, spent hours water fighting with the hottest guy I've ever seen, had a Tinder date in Stockholm, had a guy proposing to me twice at a club... I've also been on a summer festival without seeing a single band - and most of all, I haven't been home for a weekend since Easter. So yeah, Kitty's been a busy lady!

Now, where should I begin...

I took a quick beach holiday to the south with my brother for Midsummer. We didn't really make any plans, just wanted to party like crazy and see what happens. What a surprise, I met a few guys at a club. They were dancing like little maniacs and seemed to have the best night ever.. I kept looking at one of the guys across the dance floor. I smiled at him, he waved at me, bid me to come over. I went over, spoke English, asking him if they were having a bachelor party (because it sure looked that way!).. He answered something weird in a language that I couldn't understand - until I suddenly realized that it was my mother tongue in a weird accent. Hahaha. He took me by the hand and led me outside, to a huge terrace. We sat there for a few minutes, talking, when he started to read my palm. "Oh, I can see that you're about to have the best night ever.. You'll meet the man of your dreams. He's gorgeous, he's wearing a blue dress shirt, he has nice shoes and an expensive watch and he's an excellent kisser." And then he kissed me. We stayed there sitting on the couch on the terrace for two or three hours. I've never met anyone like that.
My brother came out looking for me. He saw what was going on and asked us to come inside and dance with him. The club had done a 180 in a few hours.. There was confetti flying in the air, all sorts of laser beams and glow sticks moving around. It was the best house party I've ever been to. We danced for a few hours (the bar was open 'til 6 a.m.) and then I told my brother goodbye. I left with the guy I just met. I never, ever, do that, but he felt different. He looked exactly like my Mister Yellow, had an accent like him and was just great. He and nine of his friends had rented a huge villa by the river. He took me there, when his friends were still partying at the club. We left early just to be alone for a few hours.
He undressed me in the foyer before he even closed the door. He was really great, for a second there I felt like we weren't having sex, it felt almost like we knew each other, like he had been my boyfriend for ever.. It was hands-down the best sex I had with a new guy.
I was still in my undies when his friends came back from the club. Making a hell of a noise, his roommate (yeah, he didn't have his own room at the villa) came up the stairs and saw us. We escaped his stupid questions, snuck out to the bathroom and finished what we were doing. I suggested that we have sex on the patio "I'll let your friends watch, maybe they'll learn a trick or two" but it was too cold outside at 5 a.m. During the four hours I spent with him, we had awesome sex three times. A moment I'll never forget: we were having sex in the bathroom, he was behind me, pulling my hair... We were in front of this huge mirror. He suddenly stopped what he was doing and said "Look how gorgeous we are. You look absolutely breathtaking when I'm inside you". Freaking unbelievable.

I wasn't about to stay the night there. Well, it was like 7 a.m. when I left the villa to walk back to the hotel. The natives were outside, walking their dogs in the park, when I walked past them with crazy hair, messy make-up and ripped tights. I can't remember what happened.. Something funny, I bet.

Oh, yeah. My brother told me off when I found my way back to our hotel room. He scolded me, said that I did it because he looked exactly like Mister Yellow, spoke like him, touched me like him... Mister Yellow and I hadn't spoken for 1,5 months when this happened. I guess I missed him.

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Best party ever.

My best friend got married last Saturday.

The wedding was beautiful and the party was crazy. We had the best time ever, my single girlfriends and I was seated at the "friends" table, surrounded by cute single guys. I had never met the boys before. For some reason we had never been to the same parties, or better said, I had never been to any of my best friend's parties with her boyfriend's friends there. WHY?!

So, seated next to me was this funny, blonde guy. He was not really my type, he was as tall as I am, a.k.a. short, and he had a funny sort of way to talk to me. For some reason we started talking about weird dates and he told me about some Tinder date he'd been on. I showed him my Tinder profile and he was sold. He asked me if I'm a player, if I "use" guys to get things done. Noooo, that doesn't sound like me at all. I admitted that I write a blog and maybe get guys to assemble IKEA furniture for me, help me fix things around my flat and mend my car and computer when they break down. If that makes me a player, then maybe I am.
He was a bit odd, though. He told me that he never falls for anyone, because his heart was melt to stone by a few really bad relationships. Oh, if only you'd know my stories. Still he asked for my number. Before he left the party (I guess it was about 1 a.m., I've lost track of time), he called for me. I was dancing with a few friends. He pulled me away from them, dragged me to the foyer and kissed me. I just stood there not knowing what to say. My best friend came out from the loo, just stood there while we kissed, staring at us. I guess the sight was jaw-dropping. He and I have been in touch a lot afterwards. He seems really sweet.

I met another guy, a guy looking like Kit Harington, at the wedding. He sat at the same table, a few seats away. I guess I said something funny to him as he walked past me, because he kept smiling at me all night. We danced together, snuck outside to kiss in the forest and talked for hours. We spent the night together, sleeping in the same bed with one of my best friends. So nothing happened that night. We didn't sleep at all. He just kept kissing me, teasing me, until I got up.

Trust me ladies, he looks like this.
So, I got two sets of phone numbers that night. The guy looking like Kit was really dreamy and wanted to spend some serious time with me later. We made a date for Monday night. We met. I picked him up after work and we went to my place. Most of my friends probably don't want to hear this after meeting him on Saturday, but he is awesome in bed. I'm not the least bit surprised. He kissed me like crazy on Saturday night and Sunday morning, pulled my hair and bit my neck. I couldn't stop staring at his green eyes and curly hair. For some reason, I find him ridiculously good-looking. Especially when he's in bed with me, lying beside me, his curly hair all over my pillow, his grey-green eyes looking at me like I'm the only girl in the world.

I'm meeting him again. Some day soon.

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Crushed, part II


I met my crush again yesterday. He came to my work. I looked terrible, smelled even worse and had an oversized dress on. No makeup, as always. 

He had an awful day and wanted me to cheer him up. 
We had the weirdest discussion, it lasted for over an hour. We kept telling each other funny stories about Tinder, odd dates and our single lives. We discussed relationships, sex, our mutual friends and and and and. The whole conversation just went sideways soooooo many times. He told me that he's a good boy, he claimed that I bring out the worst qualities in him. He tried to make me believe he's ordinary, like vanilla. That's why I named him Mister Vanilla.

I've never met anyone that flirty. Not ever. He's sort of crazy, but in a good way. We're so similar. I can't hide my crazy when I'm with him.

After I got home, I sent him a message on Facebook, apologizing for being so weird. He added me as a Facebook friend and we chatted for hours. I said good night to him at 1 a.m. He had to be at work at 7:30 today, I felt to sorry for keeping him up.

After chatting with him for a few minutes today, he asked me for drinks on Friday. My thoughts right now:

Fuck butterflies, I feel the whole zoo when I'm with him.

Oh, by the way, I asked my friend about Mister Vanilla. She told me that she'd never ever date him, because she met him when he was sort of, well, let's just say that he wasn't as hot as he is today. She predicted that Mister Vanilla and I have hooked up before Saturday. I'm dying to prove her wrong.

Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Confusion, part I

Hello.

So, I've told you about my Mister Silver. He fell for me, sent me loads of pictures of himself working out, in hopes of making me fall in love with his body. That didn't go as planned, I became tired of him and my other Misters.

I didn't text him for over a week, I didn't answer his calls, nothing. I just wanted to stay away from him for a while, just to cool things down. I secretly hoped that he would have forgotten about me, that he wouldn't be in contact with me anymore. 

Today he sent me a text, asking me where I disappeared last week. "Why haven't we talked for ages? ;(" Oh, get a life, Mister.

I answered him (although I shouldn't have), saying that I've been crazy busy at work and entertaining my brother and cousins and and and [insert excuses here]. 

As I've said before, I won't reveal any of my Misters' identities by posting pictures of them, but just as a reference, this is quite close what Mister Silver looks like:

Yeah, he's ridiculously hot.

He still keeps sending me pictures just like that. Today I got four. 

I tried to break up with him again. He answered me with a weird message, saying: "Things would be a lot easier if you were ugly and an idiot. But you're a five star girl and I want you." 

Fuck, I'm his challenge.
You want him? I sure as hell don't.

Monday, 2 June 2014

Summer-y stuff


I met this guy from another city a few days ago. I was out in his home city, in a pub, and the guy started talking to me. We totally clicked. I didn't get his phone number, and didn't give mine out either. My cousins and brother whisked me away from him. Total bummer. I actually forgot him when writing my post yesterday. Whoopsie.

... Until I found him on Tinder.
Now he's my Tinder match, we started talking yesterday. He lives 100 miles away, in the same city as Mister White and my brother. Turns out I'll be spending every other weekend in their home city, either partying with my cousins or meeting up with the cutest men I know. Most likely I'll be combining the two and loving every second of it. This guy surprised me instantly, he asked for my phone number (no surprise there), but he invited me to stay the weekend at his place. Why not. 

One of my best friends is getting married next weekend. No chance of me missing out on that fun, so I'll have to meet him in two weeks... Feels like such a long time. But I'll have loads of fun talking and WhatsApping with him until we meet.

I asked him "If you had 48 hours with me, how would you spend it?"
He answered me by giving me a list of activities:

Bike around the city and go for a picnic
Give me a tour of the city, showing me all his favourite places
Cuddle like crazy
Go for a jog
Play beach volley with his friends
See a movie
Sleep together, as close as it gets
Go skinny dipping in the middle of the night. If we're alone at the beach, who knows what might happen.

The best thing with him is that he has no idea about my desires or wants, and I won't share them with him until I'm in his arms. I have Mister Ink in my life to rock my world, this new guy could be a potential boyfriend. I say that about everyone new nowadays, and take it back in a few days.


Summer 2014, please be fucking beautiful.

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Partying with my brother

My brother is my best friend. We spend hours on the phone every single day, unless I'm on a date, that is. I always call him back later. We talk about everything. He knows about my guys, he's seen Mister Ink (and sort of approved him, I guess), he tells all sorts of stories to people about my quest to find a decent guy and he challenges me to do fun stuff every time we're partying together.

This is us...
... but we're not the least bit romantic, tho. I haven't seen the last three seasons of HIMYM yet, so no spoilers, buddies.

He is the best wingman there is. Last time were out together my brother did something legendary. He signed both of us up for speed dating. It was one of the best nights ever, it was truly epic. I didn't find anyone interesting enough, no one whom I'd like to date, or even give my phone number to, but the whole event was really funny. I was miles outside my comfort zone, and my brother loved to watch me writhe in agony (the guys were complete idiots, by the way). The speed dating thingy didn't go well for either of us, so we went to the pub next door to unravel our minds. We sat there, told the cute bartender about our night, laughed at all the weirdos we've been on dates with and tried to make decent plans for the remainder of the night. 

Three tall and muscular sporty looking guys walked in. One of them caught my eye. He wasn't the tallest of the three, he had ashen hair, a really nice smile and he looked like a hockey player (yummy!) My brother challenged me again, said that I should go up to him and do my magic. I felt shy (which never happens) and my brother had to dare me - if I remember correctly, he threatened to lock me out of his flat if I don't have the guts to talk to the guy. My brother went to the loo and left me alone sitting by the bar. Some random guy came up to me, trying to have a conversation with me. I wasn't the least bit interested in him. It was exactly what I needed to boost me on! I approached the mysterious hockey player-looking guy, saying "My big brother dared me to come hit on you. I'm having the weirdest night ever, I participated in a speed dating event a few hours ago, and I got all these phone numbers from guys I don't want to call and and and and you're my type." Let's call him Mister White. 
I sat there for a few minutes talking to them before the guys asked my brother to join us and tell them all about our little speed dating experience. We entertained them really well, shared loads of laughs and had so much fun together. My hockey player-looking Mister White didn't seem to be that into me, so I forgot about him and chatted with his friends in stead. In fact, I found myself sharing a pizza with his best friend at 5 a.m. I didn't give my phone number to any of the guys and didn't ask for any either. 

Six weeks later, Mister White runs into my brother at the pub. His first questions to my brother were "Is your sister here with you? How is she? Can I have her phone number?" My brother is the best. He didn't give him my phone number before asking him what his intentions were - hahaha I still can't believe that he teased the guy! My brother texted me the following day, asking me if it is OK for him to give my phone number to Mister White. 
My response was something like this: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! Give it to him, you idiot.
So yeah, Mister White got my number, six weeks and five days after meeting me. 

We had the best night in another city yesterday. I was wearing a white mini dress and heels, and my hair was all curly and gorgeous. We were hanging out with three of our cousins, and had a blast. My cousins play hockey for a living, so we met up with tons of players during the night. My Saturday challenge was to find a pilot - check - and a professional hockey player - check, check, check, check. I didn't like any of the guys enough to actually hit on them. I found it entertaining to be at a club, walk around, checking out cute single guys, asking what they do for a living and if by chance I happen to find what I'm looking for, stay and talk for a while. 


Oh, and my 14 second rule has become a 4 second rule. I lost my brother and cousins at the club, turned around and boom there he was. This tall, blonde, pilot guy, telling me how nice I look.

Yeah, that was nice.

Saturday, 31 May 2014

Fifty shades of Ink


I was reading my usual fantasy book yesterday evening, when Mister Ink sent me a voice message on WhatsApp, asking if I had already fallen asleep. He keeps teasing me for my incredible talent of falling asleep instantly after opening a book. We had a short discussion of fantasy literature, I said that I should read something more exciting to keep me up later. I suggested that I'd read the "Fifty shades of Grey" trilogy next. I have all three books in my living room, I got them from a friend for Christmas. 

He laughed at me. Said that it would be a terrible idea, considering my sexual tendencies. It would be like throwing gasoline to an open fire, he said. You should write your own little s&m book, he said.

I had no comebacks, I was too busy laughing at him. I couldn't be that bad, could I? 

We made a deal.
I would read the book (after I finish reading the little 1200-page classic that I'm working on right now), take notes, pick the things I'd want to try and have fun with him. This is our little plan for Summer 2014. 

My copy of fifty shades will look exactly like that!

I haven't opened the fifty shades books, I have no idea what to expect. I've heard that most chicks wouldn't do the stuff described in the books, but I'd love to try. Mister Ink said he has read bits of it, the book is mostly soft porn with really detailed descriptions of sadomaso stuff. He said that the short bits he read sounded just like me. Yeah, baby! 

He tied me up a few days back. I have an iron bed frame, so it's just perfect for our new adventures. Mister ink is really into all the kinky stuff that I like. It's great to be with someone you can be yourself with, no need to explain anything. I never say no to anything he asks (or tells) me to do. 

I can't wait what Summer brings...