A night with my brother and Mister Gold

Mister Gold and I had been out on a few dates during the Summer. He was really nice to me. Nothing special happened. We didn't sleep together, so I can't make any comments on his performance.

I had made plans to hang out with my brother and the girl he was dating at the moment. I told Mister Gold that my brother and I have a special relationship. We're really close and are extremely frank about each other's potential spouses. We have a right to veto. Mister Gold didn't seem that freaked out, I guess he wanted to meet the person who has such a special place in my heart.

We met on a Friday night. I had just had dinner with my brother and his "girl" and went for drinks afterwards. Mister Gold had been out with a few friends and met up with us later. He was really nice to me, but seemed sort of anxious and really stressed out - I wasn't sure what was going on... Until I realized that he did all he could to impress my brother. The way he was flaunting his stuff pissed me off, I just couldn't believe the things I was hearing. It felt like he had to tell my brother everything about his stupid boats, his ridiculously expensive hobbies and travels and whatnots. Side note: my brother is extremely wealthy, so Mister Gold's attempt in throwing his money around didn't really go as planned. The evening went so-so. Mister Gold was more interested in talking with my brother than being around me and it annoyed the hell out of me.

We shared a taxi. My brother and I went home and left Mister Gold on the way. By the time we got home it was around 5 a.m. I felt exhausted. I could have easily lived a happy life without ever having to experience that.

Afterwards my brother told me that Mister Gold had talked about me on every possible occasion. A lot. He asked my brother if I was seeing someone else, because I felt "weird and distant". He also said that he liked me a lot, but I never answered his feelings. I never witnessed these conversations, I guess they had them when I was out of hearing range.

His thoughts could be accurate. I didn't answer any of his feelings because I didn't feel that way.

I had made plans to meet Mister Gold later that week, but I sent him a text saying I will never see him again. He answered me with a "Ok then.". What the hell is that? First you tell my brother how much you like me and want to spend the rest of your life with me, and the next day you're fine with never seeing me again. Puh-lease.

But please, Mister whatsyourcolour. Don't go talking personal stuff to my brother. He's not that into hearing how much "you've fallen for me", he probably knows it already. Men tend to fall for me and my brother is used to seeing and hearing all kinds of stuff when it comes to his baby sister.

Boys of Summer

Ok guys, I know you're dying to hear about the men I'm dating at the moment. Here's a quick recap of what's going on:

Mister White is a gorgeous and funny guy. I met him a few weeks ago when I visited my brother. They actually live a block away from each other.
It was extremely nice to spend an evening with him. We tried to watch a movie, but kept talking and kissing and and and and... Well, I just know that the movie featured Robert Downey Jr, I have no idea what else was going on. Haha.
I stayed the night, even though I could just have walked a few yards to be "home". I told him that I wasn't going to sleep with him, because I know he wouldn't call me after... I was "home" at 7 a.m., when Mister White had to leave for work.
He thinks I'm high-maintenance and maybe a bit difficult, but he loves spending time with me. Or at least that's what he told me. Well, of course I seem high-maintenance compared to all the easy chicks he usually hangs out with. I'll be his challenge.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot... He's not a hockey player. He plays basketball. And he's like 6ft5in tall. I can live with that.

Mister Vanilla and I work together, so it would never have worked out between us. We never went out for a real date, because there's always something in the way... We did share a few cups of coffee together though. I still like him a lot. We talk almost every day. Right now he's on the other side of the globe and I kind of miss him. That's my little secret, don't tell him about that. ;)

Mister Shade is my Swedish lover. I met him in June when I visited my relatives in Sweden. He's gorgeous, he looks like Alexander Skarsgård and is just yummy in every single way. He could be a little taller, though. ;) Just kidding, he's perfect. I've met him twice, and now I'm planning a new trip to Sweden in September. One weekend a month is pure perfection. I'll share details about our encounters in a few weeks.

Mmmmmmmmmm. Yeah. Swedish guys are hot.

There are three more guys that I really don't want to talk about yet. One of them could become the future father of my children. I met him in another city, a hundred miles from my home. It was during the worst thunderstorm I've ever seen, the streets were flooded with water. We stayed huddled under a bus stop waiting for the rain to pass. He asked me out. Our first date lasted 72 hours. I'm meeting him later today... I think I've developed sort of a crush on him. Let's just say that if something serious happens, you'll know about it.
The two other guys are just for fun, I guess. One is madly in love with me, wants to spend every waking hour with me - the other just wants to talk about our favourite TV show and fuck me. I actually like the latter one.

..And a little something about the guys I've let go:

Mister Ink was fabulous. I absolutely loved to be around him. His hands were all over my body all the time, he taught me stuff and made me smile when I felt sad. The reason it all ended was because he booty called me. He asked me for "lunch" at his place, and when we I there, he didn't have anything ready. He hadn't shopped for any food either. Ahh, I was so frustrated... I actually thought that it would have been nice to spend a few hours together before returning to work, but turns out he just wanted to fuck me. I've got guys that actually care about me, thank you very much.

Mister Yellow and I work together nowadays. Yeah, who would have thought? It feels weird. REALLY weird. I still want him and it hurts. I have to meet him next week with a few other guys and I'm wondering what our business meeting will look like. I'll have to bring a napkin, just to stop me from drooling all over the table.

There was a time in June when I almost fell in love. I was dating this guy for two weeks. He took me climbing - in fact, he was my private teacher.. After our class he asked me out for sushi and I said yes. Sparks flew, it felt magical. Until he met my brother. My brother just hated him. Long story short: my brother told me to dump the douche and I did. Phew. That was close.

Summer of 2014, happiest time ever.

My story of the summer is a really colourful one.

During the last two months I've been on more than 40 dates. Some really sucky, but luckily most of them have been really lovely. I almost fell in love (thanks for ruining it, bro!), partied like crazy in the south, spent hours water fighting with the hottest guy I've ever seen, had a Tinder date in Stockholm, had a guy proposing to me twice at a club... I've also been on a summer festival without seeing a single band - and most of all, I haven't been home for a weekend since Easter. So yeah, Kitty's been a busy lady!

Now, where should I begin...

I took a quick beach holiday to the south with my brother for Midsummer. We didn't really make any plans, just wanted to party like crazy and see what happens. What a surprise, I met a few guys at a club. They were dancing like little maniacs and seemed to have the best night ever.. I kept looking at one of the guys across the dance floor. I smiled at him, he waved at me, bid me to come over. I went over, spoke English, asking him if they were having a bachelor party (because it sure looked that way!).. He answered something weird in a language that I couldn't understand - until I suddenly realized that it was my mother tongue in a weird accent. Hahaha. He took me by the hand and led me outside, to a huge terrace. We sat there for a few minutes, talking, when he started to read my palm. "Oh, I can see that you're about to have the best night ever.. You'll meet the man of your dreams. He's gorgeous, he's wearing a blue dress shirt, he has nice shoes and an expensive watch and he's an excellent kisser." And then he kissed me. We stayed there sitting on the couch on the terrace for two or three hours. I've never met anyone like that.
My brother came out looking for me. He saw what was going on and asked us to come inside and dance with him. The club had done a 180 in a few hours.. There was confetti flying in the air, all sorts of laser beams and glow sticks moving around. It was the best house party I've ever been to. We danced for a few hours (the bar was open 'til 6 a.m.) and then I told my brother goodbye. I left with the guy I just met. I never, ever, do that, but he felt different. He looked exactly like my Mister Yellow, had an accent like him and was just great. He and nine of his friends had rented a huge villa by the river. He took me there, when his friends were still partying at the club. We left early just to be alone for a few hours.
He undressed me in the foyer before he even closed the door. He was really great, for a second there I felt like we weren't having sex, it felt almost like we knew each other, like he had been my boyfriend for ever.. It was hands-down the best sex I had with a new guy.
I was still in my undies when his friends came back from the club. Making a hell of a noise, his roommate (yeah, he didn't have his own room at the villa) came up the stairs and saw us. We escaped his stupid questions, snuck out to the bathroom and finished what we were doing. I suggested that we have sex on the patio "I'll let your friends watch, maybe they'll learn a trick or two" but it was too cold outside at 5 a.m. During the four hours I spent with him, we had awesome sex three times. A moment I'll never forget: we were having sex in the bathroom, he was behind me, pulling my hair... We were in front of this huge mirror. He suddenly stopped what he was doing and said "Look how gorgeous we are. You look absolutely breathtaking when I'm inside you". Freaking unbelievable.

I wasn't about to stay the night there. Well, it was like 7 a.m. when I left the villa to walk back to the hotel. The natives were outside, walking their dogs in the park, when I walked past them with crazy hair, messy make-up and ripped tights. I can't remember what happened.. Something funny, I bet.

Oh, yeah. My brother told me off when I found my way back to our hotel room. He scolded me, said that I did it because he looked exactly like Mister Yellow, spoke like him, touched me like him... Mister Yellow and I hadn't spoken for 1,5 months when this happened. I guess I missed him.

Best party ever.

My best friend got married last Saturday.

The wedding was beautiful and the party was crazy. We had the best time ever, my single girlfriends and I was seated at the "friends" table, surrounded by cute single guys. I had never met the boys before. For some reason we had never been to the same parties, or better said, I had never been to any of my best friend's parties with her boyfriend's friends there. WHY?!

So, seated next to me was this funny, blonde guy. He was not really my type, he was as tall as I am, a.k.a. short, and he had a funny sort of way to talk to me. For some reason we started talking about weird dates and he told me about some Tinder date he'd been on. I showed him my Tinder profile and he was sold. He asked me if I'm a player, if I "use" guys to get things done. Noooo, that doesn't sound like me at all. I admitted that I write a blog and maybe get guys to assemble IKEA furniture for me, help me fix things around my flat and mend my car and computer when they break down. If that makes me a player, then maybe I am.
He was a bit odd, though. He told me that he never falls for anyone, because his heart was melt to stone by a few really bad relationships. Oh, if only you'd know my stories. Still he asked for my number. Before he left the party (I guess it was about 1 a.m., I've lost track of time), he called for me. I was dancing with a few friends. He pulled me away from them, dragged me to the foyer and kissed me. I just stood there not knowing what to say. My best friend came out from the loo, just stood there while we kissed, staring at us. I guess the sight was jaw-dropping. He and I have been in touch a lot afterwards. He seems really sweet.

I met another guy, a guy looking like Kit Harington, at the wedding. He sat at the same table, a few seats away. I guess I said something funny to him as he walked past me, because he kept smiling at me all night. We danced together, snuck outside to kiss in the forest and talked for hours. We spent the night together, sleeping in the same bed with one of my best friends. So nothing happened that night. We didn't sleep at all. He just kept kissing me, teasing me, until I got up.

Trust me ladies, he looks like this.

So, I got two sets of phone numbers that night. The guy looking like Kit was really dreamy and wanted to spend some serious time with me later. We made a date for Monday night. We met. I picked him up after work and we went to my place. Most of my friends probably don't want to hear this after meeting him on Saturday, but he is awesome in bed. I'm not the least bit surprised. He kissed me like crazy on Saturday night and Sunday morning, pulled my hair and bit my neck. I couldn't stop staring at his green eyes and curly hair. For some reason, I find him ridiculously good-looking. Especially when he's in bed with me, lying beside me, his curly hair all over my pillow, his grey-green eyes looking at me like I'm the only girl in the world.

I'm meeting him again. Some day soon.

Welcome to my world

I love being single.

A friend of mine asked me three years ago what I fear the most. I feared being single, being left all alone. I used to think that being alone made me lonely, and it was the worst thing in the world. Being surrounded by the wrong people is much worse. After breaking up with Mister Grey I realized that I had been lonely in a relationship for quite a long time. Now that I was single, I felt a much deeper connection with loads of people. Some were old, some new. Some of them were rebound guys (especially Mister Black, now that I think of it), but most were just friends. Friends that I discovered after years of silence. That made me feel invincible.

I usually tell people that I've been single for 18 months now. It's not entirely a lie, since Mister Grey left me in January 2013. I don't count Mister Black as a boyfriend. He was just a huge black hole in my life, sucking all the energy out of me. I'm not saying that I was utterly unhappy with Mister Black, I wouldn't have stayed with him for 13 months if I hated him. He was a good friend, but a terrible, terrible boyfriend. The past few months have been the best time of my life, now that I'm rid of him.

Tinder has brought me a lot of fun. I don't use it much anymore, I get hit on almost every day without it. Yesterday, for example. I won't share any details, but I'll let you know that the guy was super cute. I wish I meet him again soon. If something happens, you'll be the first to know.

I receive dozens of funny messages every day. Most of them are pictures. Some of the funniest nude photos have been sent to me by random guys, sweet friends of mine. I just never saw them coming. There was this one Monday afternoon... I got nude photos from three separate guys, never asked for one. I almost had a car accident, when I checked my phone while driving (sorry, Mum). I also get a lot of videos, mostly from guys working out or doing something dirty, you don't want to know every detail. Most of my men are athletes, some of them work out for a living, so it's quite normal for them to share pictures or videos from work. 

I love the fact that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want. I don't consider myself the least bit slutty, since I'm really picky in my men. 

Who said you could only have one lover at a time? My Mum for one, but I guess she's never experienced anything like this. I love being with my guys. But for some reason, not one of them has lit a wild spark in me. Before Mister Ink, that is. You'd think that I would develop a crush really easily, I thought so too, but I really don't. Nowadays I meet Mister Ink twice a week, a certain Mister (he's new) twice a week, and someone new once-twice a week. I have a date almost every day, and I love it. 

I saw Mister Ink two days ago, and I'm slowly falling out of the semi-crush that I had earlier. Sounds weird, doesn't it? My theory is that I'm too occupied with other guys in my head. If I'd concentrate on one guy, I'd most likely fall for him. Who knows, I'm not going to try. 

Girls' night out

Daymmmmmmm.

Saturday night. My girlfriends and I went out to dance. We spent a fabulous night in the city, just the three of us. I was on a roll, I had just experienced a perfect week with my favourite boys.

As you've probably understood, I'm not a shy girl. I'm really good at picking up guys. It runs in the family, my brother and cousins are male versions of me. I just make weird chit-chat with guys I meet. Sometimes I'm the one to initiate the conversation... But mostly I'm being hit on.

So, Saturday. We all looked fine. I started talking with three guys at a club. I was really into this one guy in a black tee, he was my type. His friends were decent-looking as well, if you know what I mean. One of them was a pilot. Sold. He showed me his Tinder profile, but I can't find him. Mister Pilot from Saturday, if you recognize yourself, send me a message, please. My girlfriends joined soon and we all had a blast. That is, until I lost them. I don't recall what I did to lose them, probably went to the loo or to buy a drink...
I was looking for them, when this tall blonde guy turned around and asked me if I was okay - I said no, I just lost my besties. He promised to entertain me until I found them. Well, he entertained me just fine - I woke up at his place five hours later. Oh my god, his flat was the dirtiest little hole I've ever seen. You should have seen his bathroom. I really didn't want to be barefooted in his shower. I don't usually pack flip-flops in my clutch. Maybe I should.

He was the nicest guy in his thirties, funny and kind of cute (although blondes are not really my thing). Apparently he works like 80 hours a week, because he's never home. I was starving, went to the fridge and found nothing. Not even ketchup. That was just odd. He had made all these weird plans about spending the day together. Yeah, no thanks. I got dressed, said bye and took the bus home. I guess I made up a lie about having a meeting or something.

I guess I gave him my number earlier, because he texted me on Sunday, asking how my day went. I was with Mister Orange, curled up in his lap in my undies. Well, I'm juuuuuust fine. Mister Orange was the perfect hangover company. He stroked my hair, fed me, entertained me and well, you know. I really like his style, he's seriously improving, although he's never been bad. Not even middle-class. Right now Mister Orange is in the definite top five.

Perfect for now.

Oh, and the guy in the black tee was married, or engaged. So that was it, then.

Tindering away - Kitty's secrets revealed!

My friends ask me frequently about my sudden success on Tinder.

As I've said earlier, I have around 700 Tinder matches. All of them extremely hot, I would date any one of them.  I'm really picky, I don't do unattractive men.

Obviously, I won't show you my Tinder profile. I won't show you any pictures of me or tell you the exact details on my profile text, but I will tell you what makes me tick and how I make guys hot for me. Honestly, it's not that hard.

Tips for pictures:

• Have at least three pictures. A good picture quality would be nice - make sure your pictures aren't all out of focus. Blurry pictures are a no-no. 
• Smile. I only meet nice, smiling guys.
• Look normal. I bet you're really funny, but guys in weird Halloween costumes aren't my thing. That goes for weird hand gestures as well.  
• Make sure you're not lost in the crowd. Don't use only group photos, that is. It's really hard to know what guy I'm checking out if there are 10 of them in every single picture.
• Show off your interests: if you play hockey or football, show it by having a picture of yourself playing. Some occupations are really hot, too. Guys in uniforms make me purr (so if you're a policeman/fireman/pilot, show it, thank you!). 
• If you own a dog or cat, show it as well.
• If your body is covered in tattoos, please let guys know about it. Some men don't like their girls inked, some love it. For me that's a deal breaker.

Tips for a good profile text:

• Keep it simple, stupid. Just a few words will do. Everyone focuses on pictures anyway.
• Make sure you share enough info for guys to be interested. My profile text has just a few words, describing my hobbies. If there's something that you want people to know, say it.
• If you're a guy, puh-leeeeease let me know how tall you are. 
• If you have nothing to say, please don't write anything. I've seen loads of stupid-ass profile texts. Quotes aren't that hot, either.

Things that turn me off:

• Shirtless guys - I know you're hot, but I'd like to find that out myself, thank you very much.
• "Hi." Open a conversation by saying something real, ask me how my day or weekend is going, where my pictures were taken (I travel a lot). 
• Don't be creepy. Don't call me sexy - you can call me Kitty or Kitten, but please. Don't make any weird assumptions, like I'll be making out with you instantly. Oh trust me, I won't.
• Don't text me for weeks before asking me out. And girls, you can ask him out as well. I've initiated quite a few dates and you know what? They turned out just fine.
• Boring conversations about weather. I ask you how you're doing, you answer by saying "Oh I'm well now that the sun is out! Too many rainy days make me drowsy." Kitty won't reply, I have nothing to say.
• Married guys. I don't care if your wife is "cool with it" - please don't have any pictures of you and your wife. That's an instant no. Don't use photos with you kissing another girl, photos with a baby (unless the baby is yours). I don't usually do daddies either.

I've had some weird discussions with guys on Tinder. There was Mike (name edited), for example. I asked Mike what he likes to do on his free time, and he said "drugs". Cool. Nothing in common, delete from contacts. 

In conclusion, be smart, sexy and funny. Use humour in conversations, make sure you're remembered, so ask your matches something different. I usually ask mine for secrets ;)

A miserable Monday

This is a story about how you should always have an escape plan when dating guys from Tinder.

I met a cute guy on Tinder. Let's call him ... no, let's not call him anything. Random guy #1 is enough. He had one or two pictures on his Tinder profile, no background info. To be honest, I think he looked kinda cute. I started talking to him and he seemed nice. I got his phone number and we started texting. We made plans for Monday night. I got off work really late, but I really wanted to meet this guy - he seemed really interesting.

He gave me his address and I went to his place, we'd decided to watch a movie (and I was supposed to stay the night, obviously). The guy I met at the door was extremely different than the guy I imagined meeting. He was about 5 feet tall (that's about 150 cm for you European people), a good 6 inches (15 cm) shorter than myself. He seemed apologetic somehow, as if he'd known that he would disappoint me. Or maybe he was disappointed that I was this tall?
I promised him earlier that we'd watch a movie together. Fuuuuuuuuck, how do I get out of this?

This guy occupied the space where my brain used to be. No way out. Help?

He wanted me to sit on his bed, next to him, holding his hand throughout the movie. I can't even imagine the situation with a straight face anymore. I just couldn't do it. My brain went berserk inside my head, and for some reason I kept looking around his flat in stead of looking at the telly. He had a guitar hanging on the wall. I snatched it, sat with the guitar in my lap and started tuning it. Ha-ha-ha, he couldn't touch me!

At the perfect hour, just when I had tuned the guitar, Mister Yellow sent me a weird message with a picture of a horse. It was so utterly random, I could do nothing but wonder. I texted him back, asking him for help. I really needed him to save me from this one. He asked me to come over (surprise). I told Random Guy #1 that my friend had an emergency and I needed to leave ASAP. Mister Yellow was awesome, I told him that he just saved me from a terrible, weird-ass date, he laughed and thought the whole thing was "epic".

So, what did I learn?

• Always ask the guy how tall he is, especially if you're into tall men. My minimum is 6 ft, because I need to feel small in comparison to my man. That's just my thing, no need to deny it.
• Make an escape plan. Have friends call or text you during the date - you'll have a perfect excuse to leave.

Phew. Thank goodness I survived. Random Guy #1 texted me a few days ago, asked if we should meet next week. Umm, no? I told him I was dating someone else. Damn, I feel like a bitch.

A night with Mister Blue and his friends

Friday night in the suburbs.

Mister Blue and I've met a few times.
He's a sweetie, but not a potential boyfriend for me. Not at all. He finds having a girlfriend a serious responsibility - what?! - and who said I was in need of a boyfriend?

Anyway. It was steak and red wine night in the tech student's bijou flat. I promised to bring all the food and wine, if he provided for the entertainment.

Well, I brought a Cabernet Sauvignon called "Breathing Space" - I picked it off the shelf simply because the label had a hot air balloon on it. I sent a picture of the bottle to Mister Blue. He laughed and said I was a silly little kitten.

Turns out that Mister Blue really liked my style in buying wines. Suddenly his kitchen table was covered in all kinds of wines: bicycle wine, Kung-fu wine, sparrow wine, bear wine and my bottle of hot air balloon wine.

Luckily we didn't have to drink all of that by ourselves. He had some friends come over. He introduced me to his friends by saying: "Guys, meet Kitty. She has the prettiest smile. Look."
Sold!

Mister Blue didn't even own any wine glasses, so we enjoyed our wine from coffee mugs, plastic cups and whatnots. I had so much fun! His tech student buddies made me laugh with weird Transformer jokes. Luckily I'm quite the nerd myself and got their puns.

Saturday morning. Headache. My brother calls me up at nine, asking me where I am. I was supposed to leave home early, my brother and I were to work out before hitting the clubs. Yeah, not gonna happen. I showered, got dressed and hoped to die.

I haven't seen Mister Yellow in a few days and I miss him like crazy. He texted me in the morning, asking me for lingerie pictures (not sure if he was kidding) and wishing me a happy weekend with my brother.
Damn.